Richie tozier angst

the hug I needed.

After I stuggled to move Went downstairs and onto the comfy couch and stepped up the stairs. Me and bev are sitting on my bed right now.. right now she is trying to process what the fuck just happened. Meanwhile I'm sitting here staring at the ground holding back tears, I can't stop thinking about how Beverly knows about my dad.. And my feelings for Eddie. man I can never catch a break can I..

".. why didn't you-.. say something.. Rich..?" She looks at me. She's concerned.. I hate that. I just stay silent and shrug, eyes still staring directly at the floor beneath me so she doesn't see the tears I'm trying so hard to keep in.
"I guess I was just scared.." I say. A drop manages to fall from my eyes, I quickly wipe it away and she noticed. I put my hands on my lap, my knee bounces uncontrollably. Bev stands up and pulls me up too, she immediately hugs me and my eyes widen. ( This part is very inspired by toziierrs ) "B-Bev what are you-.. I-.. " I question, confused as hell. "Hugging you, silly.. " She holds me tightly. I hesitate for a few seconds but I eventually hug her back. I haven't been hugged in so long.. Thinking about this makes me breakdown in tears, my weak skinny legs decided to give up, In fall to my knees and cry on Bevs shoulder. Bev also sits on the floor with me, both her arms going around little pathetic old me. "𝘐-.. 𝘉𝘦𝘷 𝘐-.. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥.. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥.." I cry out with a horribly shaky voice. "𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺.. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺.. " She says, her voice is so calming. I feel so safe being held in her arms.. (IN A PLATONIC WAY)  "𝘙𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘦... 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳.. 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘥.." she wonders. "𝘍-𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳... 𝘉𝘦𝘷.. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦.. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵.." I sob and cry it all out. She sighs, but it isn't a.. 'Judgmental' sigh or an 'annoyed' sigh.. It's a sad sigh.. "𝘐'𝘮-.. 𝘴-𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺.. " I apologize. "𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘦?... " She asked.. "𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶.. 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰-.." I get interrupted. "𝘙𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦.. 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺.. " I can't believe this is happening.. I say nothing, and cry for at least 20 minutes. and she let me, she let me let it all out.. I really needed this..