Steel Rose

Chapter 82

He stops in front of me. We look at each other for a long moment. "You made it."

"Yeah," he starts. "I was here...it's just...well you chose a spot pretty far back and uh."

"Yeah," I reply quickly. "I thought we would have some more privacy here."

He looks around, noticing the bushes and hearing the silence. "It's a good spot."

Darcy whines in his stroller and kicks, sending his blanket to the ground. "Oh," I tsk. I bend down and pick up the blanket. Instead of standing back up, I take a seat on the bench. Despite my nerves, I muster a smile and pat the spot beside me. "Sit."

After a moment of hesitation he relents and takes the place next to me. "Thanks."

My insides quiver at the feeling of his body heat. I try to ignore it as I pull Darcy's stroller closer. I feel Ptolemus tense and his hands clench on his knees. Darcy hardly notices, and is instead fascinated with his fingers. "This is Dasarious." I tell him. "Our son."

I look at Ptolemus and see that his eyes are glued to Dasarious. He watches intently, as if he'll disappear if he blinks. "Dasarious." He mutters so quietly that I almost miss it. His lips tighten and he takes a shuddering breath. "You named him after your father, Darius, right?"

I chuckle, "Yeah, sorta." I rub Darcy's foot. He gurlges in delight.

Ptolemus finally manages a relieved smile. "He's beautiful, Isabelle."

I smile. "Yeah he is." Out of the corner of my eye I see Ptolemus' hands relax a little. His shoulders drop and he breaths out deeply. I look at him head on. "Do you want to hold him?"

Ptolemus blinks and his face flushes silver. He almost looks panicked. "Uh," he looks at me. "I don't - I've never..."

"Here," I reach over and unbuckle Dasarious from his stroller. Gently, I pick him up settling him in my lap. "He's not as fragile as you think." I smooth over Darcy's hair and kiss his head. "Just like this."

Ptolemus swallows roughly, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Ok," he says beginning to extend his arms.

Carefully, I hand Darcy over to his father. Ptolemus trembles. His breath is short and quick. "Relax," I tell him. As I lay Dasarious down in his arms I offer Ptolemus a reassuring smile. "You won't drop him."

My reassurance doesn't do much but Ptolemus manages a quick grateful smile. "Ok," he says again.

I pull my arms away and watch as he pulls our son closer to his chest. Dasarious is wide eyed and peers curiously at his father. He chews on his hand as he watches Ptolemus. I reach over and fix his gray cap. "See," I say. "Nothing to it."

Ptolemus stares at Darcy. His dark eyes shine with something I've never seen on him before. It makes my heart soar. It makes my eyes turn misty. I don't speak for several moments. I let the two have their moment as they take in each other. As Ptolemus solidifies himself as a father. As he holds his first born in his arms for the first time. Darcy looks back.

"Dasarious." Ptolemus mutters his voice strained with emotion. In response Darcy smiles and releases his fingers from his mouth. It's a toothless, gummy smile but Ptolemus smiles back. He pulls his gaze from Darcy to me. In his eyes are unshed tears. "He is perfect, Isabelle." He looks back to Darcy. "He's beautiful."

"He is." I agree. "He looks like you."

Ptolemus chuckles and softly shakes his head. "He looks like you."

I raise my eyebrow but I don't question his observations. In his arms Dasarious wiggles around slightly and his brow furrows. I know what is coming and I reach over and take his bottle from the stroller. Ptolemus tenses as his son begins to whine.

"What's wrong?" He asks his voice slightly panicked.

"Nothing," I tell him. "He's just hungry. Here." I hand him the baby bottle and he takes it, looking at me hesitantly. "Babies have to eat every few hours."

He takes the bottle from me, our fingertips brushing. I blush but Ptolemus seems too fixated on Darcy to notice. "Just," he trails off and I can tell he's trying to figure out how to approach feeding him. Despite the situation being uncharted territory for him, I can't help but giggle to myself. 

"Bring it closer. He'll respond accordingly." Grasping his forearm I guide his arm towards Darcy. As promised, Darsarious is soon eating. "There. Easy."

Ptolemus heaves a large breath. "Yeah, easy." 

Darcy, now satisfied with his dinner, continues to eat, while staring up at us his tiny hands grasping the bottle. Ptolemus sighs his shoulders relaxing. We watch him eat for several moments before Ptolemus speaks again. I am so caught up in watching them that I almost miss it. 

"Thank you." 

I sit up. "What?"

"Thank you," he repeats. He looks at me. His eyes are one of the main things I love about him. Their depth. Their stars. In them he's looks more vulnerable, yet more happy than I have ever witnessed. My chest constricts.

"For?"

"For this," he nods towards Darcy. "You could have taken him and run.  Or left him behind. You could have forbidden me from ever seeing him. And I would have powerless to do anything."

"I would have never done that to you." I tell him. "He's yours too."

"Not just that. But, for putting up with me all this time. I know it wasn't easy. I know I hurt you. A lot. And there is probably nothing that I can do to make that up to you." He looks at Darcy and adjusts him in his arms and I take the moment to blink away the heat forming behind my eyes.

When he looks at me again, it seems that he has lost some of his nerve to continue. The corners of his lips pull up slightly in an attempt at an awkward smile. His eyes are cast down for a bit as he musters struggles with his words.

"But I want you to know that I love you, Isabelle." He says finally. "I love both of you. I want to be with you guys. If you'll have me."

Tears water in my eyes anyway. In my head, I see the life that we both could have together. Us and our son. We could be happy together. We could be a family. A real family like Kenneth and Mora are. No titles or crowns. No hiding away, no pressure to conform. Just us. All three of us.

I look at him and realize that I've leaned so close that my chin basically rests on his shoulder. I can feel his breath on my cheek and our noses almost touch. I look at his lips. He's leaning forward and for a moment, I almost lean in to kiss him. I want to kiss him.

I pull back. His lidded eyes open.

I clench my hands in my lap. "I love you too, Ptolemus." I start. "Dasarious is my whole life. I'm a mother now, and all I want is what is best for him." I look up at him and I see that his face has gone gray. He looks almost sick. Darcy, finished with his lunch squirms in his arms and Ptolemus takes the distraction to look at his son, his eyes blinking rapidly, as he rocks him back to content.

"I understand." He mutters.

I lay my hand on his arm and he nearly flinches. "Hey," I say, urging him to look at me. He does, his lips pressed together, tensing for rejection. "All I want is what is best for our son. And I think you being in his life is exactly that. You're his father."

His chest caves with a deep sigh of relief. "Oh."

"But I want to take things slow with us. I don't want to rush into anything that will end up in disaster." I reach over and stroke his cheek. He leans into my hand. "I want to be with you. I just feel like we should take our time." I offer him a soft smile. "Neither one of us is going anywhere any time soon."

He nods his head. "Whatever you want, Isabelle. I'm here with you. Always."