The Marine

Sick Day

My phone rang. Twice.

Once from Lex, then once from Luca. I answered neither. Throughout the night I'd drank a bit more and gone to sleep on the couch only to sleep fitful. I had nightmares of my parents crash, in sickening detail. Then I dreamt of grandpa dying alone in the house. Which was how everyone I loved had passed. It was all too much.

The kisses were still there though, playing through my mind. I'd been kissed by both marines. Both wanted to have something...but I didn't know if I could. And wasn't sure which to pick. No, today I needed to be alone. I'd be 'sick'. An easy way to get out of commitments or social engagements was to feign an illness.

Picking up my phone I sent identical texts.

I'm not feeling well. Sorry. Will text you tomorrow.

I probably should have just faced my fears and told Lex I couldn't go hiking with him, it was best that we didn't get to know each other. He was leaving and I needed to start working, focus on making a new life here in Hawaii. Then with Luca....well, I still couldn't figure the man out. He wasn't fit for a club relationship. The kind that start with sex then snowball its way into arguing, incompatibility and breaking up mere months later. I had zero interest in that type of relationship.

If I decided to pursue something with Luca I'd have to get to know him more than I already did. More than texting about his family and his beloved marines. But beyond that, I'd have to open myself up. The prospect terrified me. I had a few secrets that would inevitably need to be told. Could Luca handle them? My past was an indication that men before couldn't. 'The right one, Mila, won't care. He will protect you and cherish you.' My dads words after my first college boyfriend still rang in my head.

No matter. I'd just drive over closer to Honolulu. Chill at the beach there. I could handle a short drive, not on the main highways. It had been weeks since I'd started grandpas Jeep up anyway. You had to run vehicles a few times a month to keep them healthy. Especially in this tropical climate.

"It's settled." I said out loud, trying to gather my courage up.

Plus, I'd been watching YouTube videos on dealing with grief after car accidents. Therapists all recommended that you face your fears before they became crippling. Sort of like what they say after shark attacks. If you go back in the water within a reasonable amount of time after the trauma, you are less likely to be fearful still. I wasn't even in the wreck with mom and dad, so my being scared to drive was irrational.

I was made of tough stuff. Warriors. I could do this.

💋💋

The Jeep rumbled a bit as I turned out of my driveway. Why grandpa put bigger tires on it and had it lifted I'll never know. It was sleek and had a lot of add-ons. The AC bothered me for some reason so I rolled all the windows down. I saw Terry in his driveway, hosing off his boat. He waved and I slowed to an idle.