Them or Me

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When the door opened again, I didn't expect the person to walk in that did. I stared at her as she walked forward and put the stack of clothes on the table in front of me. She brushed a strand of blonde hair from her face and set a black bag down on the table.

"My number was in a phone they found on you," Bella said softly as she unzipped the black bag. "I just got off my shift or I would have been here earlier."

I sat up, clearing my throat. "You couldn't have done anything anyway."

She shrugged as Elijah came in and undid the cuffs. Neither of them left as I shakily stood up and changed into the generic sweatpants and sweatshirt. I sat back down and held out my wrists for Elijah to cuff them again.

"You're not under arrest, so unless you're going to cause someone harm, I—"

"Put them on, Elijah. I'm not in control of myself at the moment," I muttered.

He secured the cuffs and nodded at Bella before he left the room. He shut the door behind him, but I knew he was just on the other side of the glass. They weren't going to leave me unsupervised with her.

Bella pulled out some medicine and looked at me. "I told them what I needed to."

I shrugged. "Doesn't make much of a difference now."

She pulled out a pill bottle and poured a small, round white pill into her hand. "This is methadone. It'll help with the side effects of your withdrawal." She dropped it into my hand and pushed the cup of water in my direction.

I looked down at the little pill for a moment before I put it in my mouth and swallowed it. "They want you to show me compassion and get me to talk, don't they?"

She put on a pair of gloves and then adjusted the cuff on my badly infected hand. They were both infected. The left was worse than the right. I watched as she gently cleaned the raw skin and then I looked up at her face. She was good at hiding her emotions, but she wasn't as good as Elijah and the other cop.

"You want to know why I won't rat Julian out?" I asked after a moment.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to," Bella replied.

"I've seen what they do to people who snitch," I told her. "Fuck, I've been the person who's given the punishment before. I've watched them almost beat people to death or try to drown them. Over and over again." I looked back down at my hand. "That world is a never-ending circle of violence. It doesn't get better, even if you can get yourself out. You're constantly looking over your shoulder to make sure that they aren't coming for you."

Bella put some cotton on my hand. She loosely wrapped it with gauze and secured the gauze before she spoke. "My father was a drug addict. He'd get clean, he'd relapse, he'd disappear, then he'd come back. Over and over again until he OD'd on our front porch. I found him when I got home from school. I called 9-1-1. I tried Narcan. It didn't do anything, and the paramedics said he'd been there too long for them to save him."

"That why you thought you'd help me?"

She smiled slightly. "No. Actually, it was almost the reason that I didn't become a nurse. I knew I'd have to deal with people that were like him all the time and it would just drudge up all the memories. It does and I still get on edge."

She started working on my other hand now. "The thing is, Rafe, that there are some who are not beyond help."

"I suppose that is what you thought about me."

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