BLUE BLOOD

39 | silence is an answer

I stood there, staring at him. His confession rattled me, but he had been in my life for so long. This felt final. "Where will you go?"

"Harvard." Erik paused before hurrying off. "I would say keep in touch, but I know you never want to see me again. I wish you all the best."

"Vesper." A hand gripped my wrist, stopping me from taking another shot. I took a step and suddenly realized that was a bad decision because I tripped forward. Arms wrapped around me, catching me before I slumped to the floor. "Jesus Christ. How many did you take?"

"I-" I lifted my gaze to him and suddenly something broke. My eyes filled with tears.

Avery looked at me in concern and the slightest bit of horror. "Are you...crying?"

I was just as horrified. Before, I would have rather died than let another soul see me cry, but Avery has already seen me cry several times. I found crying humiliating, but right now, I just wanted him to hold me.

My fingernails dug into his skin, stopping him. Erik looked at me with a flash of alarm. Slowly, I asked him a question I had thought about for hours.

"Were you the one who purposely hooked Ella up on the pills? With Mason?"

Avery brushed a tear away. Thank god it was only one tear. He was silent as his silver eyes assessed me. He was so cold and objective, even in situations like this, that it made me wonder if this had always been a game. If it was still a game.

Why did he always find me at the most vulnerable moments? Every single time he would comfort me, and with every accumulating situation like this, my trust in him grew. How could I trust him?

I looked at him imploringly, wondering if he could read these buried thoughts. Shame then overcame me. What type of person does it make me to doubt him? Hasn't his intentions been clean from the beginning?

"Erik said something to you." It wasn't a guess from him. He knew it. I stayed quiet. "What was it about?" Again, I kept my mouth shut. "Ella?" I refused to look at him. "Silence is an answer, Vesper."

His hands on my bare shoulders shifted and I realized that the only reason why I wasn't cold was because he had been keeping me warm. Avery shrugged off his sharp blazer and wrapped it around me.

"Can we talk about something else?" I cast my eyes downward but he lifted my chin.

Avery's gaze never left me, but he complied. "Fine." A pause. "What are you scared of?"

"Seriously?"

"What?" Avery lifted his hands in surrender. "I could have asked you for your favorite color, but I already know it."

"You do not," I managed to say, even though I was drunk. Everything was getting blurrier and I was leaning heavier on him.

"I don't," he admitted. "What is it?"

"I don't have one." But I was lying through my teeth. I glanced to his eyes and I knew my answer. Silver. My favorite color was silver. "What about you?"

Avery held my gaze. He said, with no hesitation, "Your eyes."

I was definitely really drunk because there's no way that's a color. I decided to interpret it as the color of my eyes. "Brown is your favorite color?"

"Your eyes aren't only dark brown. They're also jade and blue. Like a kaleidoscope."

I coughed to hide my smile, but I think I failed quite miserably. "Are you more drunk than me or just color blind?"

"Why not both?" Avery suggested before backtracking. I knew I could not get away with evading the question. "And don't think about changing the subject. You're even worse at it when you're drunk. Answer my question. What are you scared of?"