The Devil Who Wears My Eyes

25: The Suspicious Talk

Naiwan akong hindi makahuma. I wanted to end his breathing so bad. I cursed his name to death a million times. Tito Jeremy is the dirtiest man alive that I know. Nanginig ako sa galit dahil hindi ko kayang kalmahin ang sarili ko. I started screaming so loud. Hindi ko na kinaya. Lahat ng mahawakan kong unan ay ibinato ko pati mga gamit na madalas kong kapain sa tabing table. Wala na akong pakialam kung may makarinig man sa akin sa ngayon. Kailangang kong pakawalan ang galit ko o kung hindi ay baka mabaliw ako.

Paulit-ulit akong sumisigaw at nagwawala. Kahit anong mahawakan ng kamay ko ay ibinabato ko. Kahit matumba na ako ay wala akong pakialam. I need to shout, I need to release my anger.

"Ahh! Ahh!" Paulit-ulit kong sigaw.

I expected people to come in my room. Daddy Jaime, Mommy Kayla, Nanany Meera, everyone in the house who heard my screams. Ang una kong naramdaman ay ang kamay ni Nanay Meera na pinipigilan ako sa pagwawala ko.

"Ariella, anak..." Si Daddy. His voice is kind of afraid. It is trembling. "What is it? Tell me, anak. What is it? May masakit ba sa'yo?"

That did not stop me. I continued shouting and losing my cool. I just made sure Nanay Meera won't get hurt by my sudden actions.

"Ariella,"

Narinig ko ang boses ni Mommy Kayla. That made my nerves so irked.

"What is...wrong?"

"You! All of you! All of you! Every single one of you! Every one of you are wrong!" Sigaw ko. "Lahat kayo basura. Lahat kayo nakakasuka-"

"Ariella, anak." Putol sa akin ni Daddy. Mayamaya pa ay agad kong naramdaman ang kamay niya sa kamay ko. Sinakop noon ang dalawa at hindi ko iyon maigalaw. He is using his strength to make me stop moving. "Calm down, calm down..."

"How the fuck can I calm down when every single one of you are making my life miserable as it is? Huh? Tell me! Fucking tell me!"

I do not know how loud I am shouting but I know it is loud enough to stop everyone from doing anything they are doing at the moment and turn their whole attention on me. Of course, they will peak on something to talk about me. That is what they are good at.

"'Nak, kalma ka muna." Si Nanay Meera na hinahagod ang likuran ko. She is the only one who doesn't make my blood boil to the core. Her voice is always soothing. "Sumigaw ka pa kung gusto mo. Ilabas mo 'yong nasa dibdib mo. Sige, isigaw mo pa. Pagkatapos noon, siguradong kakalma ka kahit papaano."

She understands me. She is the only one who does.

"Sir Jaime, makakabuti po sigurong lumabas muna ako. Ako na ang bahala kay Ariella."

Sa sinabing iyon ni Nanay Meera ay naramdaman ko ang paglabas ng mga nasa loob. I cannot sense their vile prescense anymore. Only Nanay Meera's. Naupo na lang ako at tumulo lalo ang mga luha. Pagod na pagod na ako. Sumasakit ang lalamunan ko sa pagpipigil sa pagpalahaw at sa sama ng loob pati na rin ang pagkakasigaw ko nang biglaan.

Nanay Meera let me have my moment. She let me cry and cry. She gave me the silence. Hinayaan niyang hawakan ko ang kamay niya habang ginagawa iyon. I do not know how long it is already, but she helped a lot to calm me down. She is my person, after all. Kaunti na lang ang pag-iyak ko nang bigla namang makaramdam ako ng pumasok sa kwarto.

"Kailangan ko siyang kausapin, Aling Meera. Iwan mo muna kami." Boses ni Mommy Kayla iyon.

Agad na tumalima si Nanay Meera. Even if I wanted not to let her leave, I want to know why Mommy Kayla came back. She never cared anything about me or just me. I am curious to know why she want to talk to me after Tito Jeremy before I lost my cool. Nang marinig kong naisara na ni Nanay Meera ang pintuan ng kwarto ay doon ko namalayan ang mabilis na kamay ni Mommy Kayla sa baba ko. Mahigpit iyon at animo ba ay nanggigigil.

"Tumahan ka, Ariella. Napupuno na ako sa mga kaartehan mo." She hissed. I can even feel her breathing too close to my face. "Sabi sa akin ni Jaime ay may alam ka na raw. You probably overheard us last night. Ikaw ang sinasabi niyang naramdaman niyang nakikinig."

I chuckled. I was not expecting that she will blurt all this suddenly. Pinatunayan lang niya ang nasa isip ko. Ang mga hinala ko ay may pruweba na dahil sa bibig niya ko mismo narinig iyon. Ipinagpatuloy niya ang paghawak sa baba ko at mas humihigpit pa.

"Shut your mouth until my marriage. That's easy to do, right? You've been doing it for years, so why not do it until you die?"

Kinikilabutan ako sa kaniya. She is what I expected her to be. I chuckled more and then grabbed her neck. It was easy to do it because she surely isn't expecting it at all. Hinigpitan ko rin at saka ngumiti.

"Whatever it is you are to Tito Jeremy, you're the same. I will kill you, too. You will never get that ring. If I have to die so that the two of you will die too, I will also heal in hell with you two."

I heard her smile. Parehas naming hinigpitan ang pagkakahawak sa isa't isa lalo na nang ilipat niya ang kamay niya sa leeg ko.  To my surprise, on that split second, I was so mad...I saw her face. I was able to see just like when I first saw Leopold. It is the same feeling. I can...feel Leopold in that split second.

What...is happening?

"I was going to leave you alone and just get Jaime for myself because I love him. I want him. For his sake, I was planning to be kind to you. I was until now, but you are just a headache. Subukan mong magsalita, mararamdaman mo ang totoo kong ugali, Ariella."

And just like that, she left the room. I was left stunned not because of her warning, but that fact that I was able to see for a split second.

Was I...in a dream?