Long Away

Chapter 53

Over the next three days, the shock started to wear off, and Joe began to feel a little better. Gwilym made as much time for him as he could between calls with his manager and auditions he had to prepare for. He agreed that Rami could stay with him as well, and they were going to pick him up from the airport the next day. For now, Joe and Gwil were lounging on the sofa and watching a show together. Between them was a bowl of popcorn Gwil had made. The show was quite amusing, but after a while Joe's mind trailed off more and more. He grabbed his phone and opened a website he had discovered the other night. He hadn't gotten around to reading all of it, but he was looking for answers he was hoping to find there.

"Do you not want to watch anymore?", Gwilym asked when he noticed that Joe had been staring at his phone for a while. Joe shook his head.
"No no, I'm still paying attention. Mostly. I just wanted to look something up."
"Can I ask what?", Gwil said as he reached for the popcorn.
Joe tilted his phone so that Gwil could take a look.

"I found this page that has all these sexuality labels and definitions. I am honestly a little confused, so I wanted to see if I could find an explanation for what I am feeling."
Gwil nodded understandingly.
"And, been successful yet?"
"Not really," Joe admitted.
"These are all really specific labels. And yet, I'm not sure what the difference between a lot of them is supposed to be. But nothing I read so far sounds right anyway."

"You don't have to put a label on it, you know?"
"Yeah, I know. I'd just like to understand myself better. Because on one hand, I thought I did like my ex girlfriends. But that was nothing compared to how I feel about Ben. And now I'm not sure if I didn't just like them platonically. But I've also never looked at another man in this way. And I mean, I'm 35. Isn't that a bit strange?"

Gwilym shrugged.
"Well, it's certainly not common. But I wouldn't call it strange. Sometimes you just don't figure it out until later in life."
"You said you knew when you were 20, didn't you?" Joe vaguely remembered a conversation they had when they were still working on Bohemian Rhapsody. On the day they had their costume fitting for the "I want to break free" scene, Ben was joking around that he finally had a chance to seduce them. That was when Gwilym informed them that it didn't make a difference to him, since he was bisexual anyway.

"Yeah, I did," Gwil said.
"But that doesn't mean you can't take longer. And maybe you did like your ex girlfriends, but this time it's just more intense."
"I don't know," Joe sighed.
"I really don't know."
He continued scrolling, until one of the definitions suddenly caught his eye.

Demisexual: someone who does not experience sexual attraction until a deep emotional connection is formed. Demisexuality is part of the asexual spectrum. They may still experience romantic attraction upon meeting a person, but there will be no sexual attraction involved. Demisexual people may be straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual or any other sexual/romantic orientation.
See also: demiromantic

Demiromantic: someone who does not experience primary romantic attraction such as crushes until a deep emotional connection is formed. Demiromanticism is part of the aromantic spectrum. They may still experience sexual attraction upon meeting a person, but there will be no romantic attraction involved. Someone who is both demisexual and demiromantic may also be described as demi aroace

"Huh." Joe handed Gwil his phone so he could read the entry himself.
"That would explain a thing or two," Joe said.
Gwilym nodded slowly as he was reading.
"Yes, it would. But that still doesn't tell you what genders you like, does it?"
"Well, I would guess just men. Otherwise I think I would have come to be attracted to my exes at some point."

"Well then." Gwil gave him back his phone and supportively patted his shoulder.
"Congratulations on figuring this out. Now who is gonna tell Rami that he is officially the only straight guy in the group?"
"Wait, what?" Joe squinted in confusion.
Gwil frowned.
"Yeah? You know Ben is also bi, right?"
"He is?!"
Gwil chuckled about the look of utter confusion and surprise on Joe's face.
"Yes. Did he never tell you that?"

Joe shook his head. He felt a bit hurt that his friend never shared this information with him. Then again, he never said anything about not being queer either.
"No. He didn't. When did he tell you?"
"That must have been somewhere during the first month on set," Gwil told him.
"Hm. Interesting," Joe uttered.
"So wait. You wanted to confess to Ben, and you didn't know he liked men?"
"I guess I didn't have very high hopes to begin with," Joe admitted.
Gwilym's face became serious.
"Joe, you absolutely do have a chance. Trust me."
"Why are you so sure about that?"
Gwilym tried to hide his smirk behind a handful of popcorn.
"Oh nothing," he mumbled, before turning to face the TV again.

***

Hey guys!

I hope you're not bored yet. Don't worry, the drama is coming back soon.

Until next chapter,

Tay