BITTERLY LUSCIOUS

CHAPTER 12

"So, what's the plan?" She asked.

"I have his number, so maybe I'll give him a call__but__I'm not sure if it is a good idea or if I want to," I mumbled.

"Why is that? Re-establishing contact could be a way to jump-start the process of regaining your memories if you are ready to go down that route. Triggering memories can happen in many ways; sounds, songs, smells, tastes, a voice, face, expression, a sentence, an environment, etc., could all be triggers. But before we go any further, it would be greatly beneficial to share the 'why' of your renewed interest. Is it mere curiosity? Or something more?"

What was it with a psychiatrist/psychologist and their ability to always lead a conversation back to the questions you previously avoided? She asked about my sudden desire to regain my memories at the beginning of our session; then, as we were almost at the end, she somehow found a way to bring it to the forefront again. She would quickly drop the subject had I made no effort to answer, but given all that I had been experiencing after that call three weeks ago, I was almost at my wit's end. Hence, I decided it was best to be truthful as it was the only way to get the help I needed.

"They are not allowing me to sleep," I responded after a while.

She quirked her brow at my cryptic response, "They? Your memories?"

"I'm not sure__however, I have been repeatedly plagued by flashes of rapidly moving distorted images, mumbled voices, and conversation for the past several weeks. They come and go as they please; bold, chaotic, and nonsensical."

"Could you elaborate further, please," she smiled encouragingly, giving me time to gather my thoughts and emotions.

"I've been suffering from nightmares and night terrors since that family member called me...well...." I paused, debating whether to share my situation, but quickly concluded that it was best to be completely honest if I wanted the help I desperately needed. "So, that is not one hundred percent accurate," I mumbled, but I could tell by how she leaned forward; she heard what I said but said nothing in response. And for that, I was grateful.

"Well," I started again, "I was experiencing nightmares and night terrors even before I traveled, and even though I sleepwalked a significant amount during that time, they were still not as bad as the ones I am experiencing now.

I assumed they were no longer an issue because they all just disappeared on their own as soon as I left the country__well, I did have one on the second or third day of my arrival, but after that, they were all just gone. So I don't know how or why they disappeared; all I know is that for the time that I was there, they were gone."

The moment I opened my mouth, it was like a dam had broken, and I needed to let it all out.

"But now that I am back, they are back...and with a vengeance, and it all started after that phone call, and I don't know why. Maybe it has nothing to do with my cousin and everything to do with my recent move back to the country. Or maybe, it is him, and I cannot remember. You spoke about triggers, and maybe he is one of mine."