When It's Cold I'd Like To Die

You dont deserve it, but I do

11:20am

Justin zipped open his bag. 

He was currently sitting in the small toilet stall at Macy's, where he and Clay had ordered themselves something quick to bite on before they'd hit Monet's for the good old drinks that they had to try before they'd die. It's intentions simply being to bring back nostalgia, despite Clay being a frequent customer at the café. 

Justin pulled out his old pencil case, it's zippers practically unusable, the threading loosening on the sides as there was a hole on the bottom. Yet it was the closest thing he had to being able to store what he couldn't simply have sitting loose in his duffel bag. 

Pulling out the syringe, soon followed a glass vial, Justin listened for any strangers before he could quickly do what had to be done. He was ready, a rubber band tied to his upper arm above his elbow, so he'd have a visible vein in target. 

After years, finding the bloodstream was more and more of a hassle since the first time he tried, which was easy because he hadn't damaged the surrounding skin as much as he would within the following years. 

It had to be quick. 

Dose. 

Find a vein. 

shoot. 

Done. It was supposed to seem fairly simple, yet Justin still had to mentally fight his way into doing it in the process. It was his heart fighting for him to pull the needle away, whilst his mind  wanted him to shoot up, so the effects could kick in. 

Pulling the rubber band off of his arm, Justin huffed as he kicked off a shoe. 

Pulling his foot on his knee, he had a better idea.

 Maybe then, Clay wouldn't notice, besides, Justin didn't even think Clay would know what the marks are. He hoped Clay didn't know. Picking a hole in his sock, he found himself a good spot. relief hitting his shoulders. 

Bringing the needle in, Justin resisted the urge to seal his eyes shut. 

Being an addict and still being intimidated by needles wasn't a good mix. Resisting with dread, Justin held his breath as he then forced the liquid through the syringe and out of the needle, into his bloodstream. 

Done. 

Packing up his things in a hurry, Justin got himself together, shoe back on and things back in their original place in his bag, Justin left the cubicle and hurried out of through the door to join Clay. He just hoped the boy wouldn't question what took him so long. 

''Hey, what took you so long?'' Clay asked curiously, having finished his food whilst Justin's sat there on the plate, half-bitten. 

''Sorry, uh, it was nothing,'' Justin shook his head, not sure what he'd tell Clay. He was shooting up in the bathroom. No way. ''Didn't mean to take too long.'' 

''No, it's fine,'' Clay smiled. ''I was starting to worry you ditched.'' 

''Dude, listen, one... You'd see me if I was leaving through the only door out of here and two, the windows in the bathrooms are way too small,''  Justin explained as Clay chuckled. ''And anyway, I wouldn't ditch now. Too late for that. What would be the point of me being back if it wasn't for you inviting me, I would've said no.''

''Okay, okay, Justin, I get what you're saying,'' Clay rolled his eyes, a smile on his face. 

''Good, just making sure,'' Justin took a large bite of the chicken sandwich as Clay continued to smile at him. 

Justin couldn't help but wonder.