When It's Cold I'd Like To Die

Back Where It Started

plans? What about our families? We're just going to leave them all behind,'' Clay explained with a heavy, tired sigh. He was going to lose everything. Well, perhaps he wouldn't. Once he's dead, he'd lose all his memories and his constant thoughts, he'd no longer feel anything once he's dead. It was really just a matter of what happened after death that worried him. 

''What even were your plans before you found out you were going to die? Let me guess, you want to be a scientist or build robots, something nerdy, right?'' Justin smirked, Clay forcing a chuckle under his breath. Justin fell quiet, glancing at his other boy that walked with him down the empty roads. 

''Well, I don't really know yet,'' Clay admitted. He found it hard to know he was, what he's capable of. Before the news, his plans were only to study, to somehow find a path when he feels like he's ready for it. ''I've recently come back from Brown, studying computer science,'' He told Justin. It had been a successful first year at the university, he felt like he had found his balance between his personal life and education. 

''Wow, dude, that's awesome,'' Justin told him. He always knew that Clay would get into some college. It was always a reason why, secretly, Justin was always jealous of Clay. The boy always had a shot at getting into college, he was smart and always eager in science and literary. ''I always knew you'd get into some good college across the country.'' 

''Really?'' Clay frowned. 

''Well, yeah, I mean, you were one of the smartest guys in the year back at Liberty, you were bound to get somewhere good with your grades,'' Justin told him. He fell quiet. There was a point in high school when Justin realized that he'd get nowhere in life. 

The circumstances he lived him, he was bound to them, and he wasn't smart, he didn't have any good talents. His only chance at college what sports. At some point, Justin had given up on those slim chances that a scholar would see his potential instead of someone like Zach Dempsey or someone on the team that put their whole life into sports. 

Justin had accepted the fact that college wasn't for him. 

''How about you?'' Clay asked, Justin turning to look at him like if Clay had said something disturbing. ''Are you, uh, in college?'' Clay glanced at the other boy, a sense of indecisiveness in his expression, the way he opened his mouth to say something, only to close it. 

''No,'' Justin sighed. ''College was never for me, I mean, I kind of screwed my chances of getting a scholarship in basketball.'' His shoulders tensed as he shrugged off the disappointment. He was going to get heavyhearted about it now. There was nothing to pout about, he was dying today, there was no future to fret upon. 

''I was actually working, so I could have saved money for college, I was thinking I might have had a chance of actually attending one day,'' Justin lied, watching Clay look impressed by his plans for the future. ''It's just a bummer I wouldn't manage to... Get there.'' 

''The good thing is that you tried,'' Clay sighed. There wasn't much either could say, both remaining quiet as they wander across the soaked street, looking both ways for any upcoming cars. It was just the two of them and the stygian streets of Evergreen. 

Justin fell quiet. Clay noticed, not really knowing what to say or how to lighten up the atmosphere with the fact that they were both going to die. 

''Hey, let's go grab something to eat,'' Clay suggested, Justin following him as they disappeared down the maze of alleyways and deserted streets.