After Her Love

31. Between the lines

Iiris: Hey. I'm ok, just got to bed and ready to sleep. How about you?

I put my alarm on and laid down while still holding the phone in my hand. Aleksi was typing something, according to the dots that kept on moving in the chat box.

Aleksi: I'm fine.. Robyn and Joel went to Oulu to visit Joel's parents, Niko and Miryam went on a week long vacation to Italy and the rest of us are enjoying the spring here in Finland..

Seems like the band is having a short vacation before the busy festival summer. They totally deserve it and I am happy they know how to take some time off. Especially Robyn and Joel, they seem to have a lot to do with Sophia and now when there is another one on the way, they deserve every free moment they can have to spend with the family.

Iiris: Don't you have any plans?

Knowing that the guys had some free time now gave me an opportunity to meet up with Aleksi in peace, so we could talk things through. No matter what the outcome will be, we need to know what we want to be, if there even will be anything. I still had my fears and I did not want to tell them to Aleksi before I knew what the situation really was.

Aleksi: Nope, I'll be home with Rilla. She has been with my neighbors so much that I feel bad about it already..

Iiris: I'm sure she understands that your job takes you away from home sometimes

I always thought that pets understand you, probably better than humans. When I was with Rauli, I thought about getting a dog or cat, but when the abuse started I decided not to take any pets into that household. I did not want that poor animal to see what Rauli did to me.

Aleksi: Yeah, probably.. So.. What are your plans after finishing the walk?

Part of me wanted to tell him that I'm coming back to Finland tomorrow, especially now when I knew he was home and I could just go to his and see him.

Iiris: I don't know.. Guess I take a few days to rest.. My feet are so dead and I just miss a good sleep in a proper bed. And a bath..

Aleksi: I still can't understand that you really walked something like 800 km.. That is just crazy..

I laughed quietly and took a sip from my water bottle before answering to him.

Iiris: Crazy but needed.. Believe me, there is no better way to think about life while walking and listening to music.

Aleksi: You could have just walked from Helsinki to Rovaniemi, the distance is pretty much the same.

True, but the whole point of this walk was to get away from Finland to the environment that did not remind me about the shitty past with Rauli or the feelings I have been building towards Aleksi.

Iiris: It would not have been the same..

Aleksi: I know.. It would have been easier for me to come to meet you..

Again I felt that weird feeling in my stomach and in my heart, the mix of pain and excitement. Of course it would have been great to spend some time with him on those days I took a pause from walking. But it would not have supported the idea of this whole thing. It's not that I loved the idea of walking 800 kilometers and constantly dealing with the memories I wanted to ignore, yet it was all for one purpose - to move on. And I think I actually accomplished it. I moved on. I left the life with Rauli somewhere between the small villages I passed and I took a lot of great ideas with me and also the courage to face Aleksi and tell him about my feelings.

Iiris: True.. But you know why I did this.. And why it had to be done somewhere on a neutral ground..

I set the alarm for the next morning and adjusted my pillow a little. My flight was in a noon so I could sleep until eight, have a quick breakfast and get a ride to the airport.

Aleksi: Yeah.. But I'll hit the bed now.. Have a good time there and I hope you'll return soon.

Iiris: Sleep well! And I will, I promise.

If he only knew that in just a few days we would meet again. The urge of telling it grew bigger each moment and I fought so hard not to do it.

Aleksi: You too!

Now knowing that he was about to go to sleep made my life just a little bit easier because I did not need to hold my fingers away from the letter which would create the sentence I so badly tried to hold back.

One thing that just did not go as I planned, was sleeping. I kept on tossing from one side to another, thinking about the flight, the weather in Finland, how do I manage in Helsinki all alone without Aleksi and everything that came into my mind. It was a struggle to close my eyes for more than five minutes before they flew open and a million new questions started to revolve around me. I tried counting sheeps but my brain decided to add The Ketchup Song and Macarena into the mix so I had no other chance than to sit up and stare at the wall. I did not want to touch my phone because I knew then I would write to Aleksi and ruin my big return surprise. If he was even going to be surprised, maybe he had given in already. No man would wait for a woman to decide what she wanted from her life.

"What should I do...?" I sighed and bit my inner cheek.

My eyelids were not cooperating with me when I was trying to do my makeup. I did not necessarily need one for the airplane but as I still haven't made my final decision whether I go to my AirBnB or to Aleksi's once I landed, I wanted to look like a normal human being if I chose to surprise Aleksi. Once I was ready, I checked that I had all my stuff with me and I was ready to check out and have breakfast.

Part of me was going to miss this carefree environment. I felt like I belonged here. I really liked the people and the vibe here and it was just a little bit sad to leave but my mission here was done. I had wiped Rauli out of my mind, giving more room to Aleksi and the new chance of love, if that was something that would happen. Still, I wanted to be careful with the idea. It might sound like a perfect next plan to become closer with Aleksi and see where things would go between us, but I cannot rush things. We still needed time to get to know each other on a personal level because the short time I spent there was not enough to really go too deep with the conversations and the feelings. But there was something and I was ready to work with that, if he was still feeling the same. With those thoughts I finished my coffee and got up, and ordered myself a taxi.

The whole way to the airport I was trying to think of everything else other than Aleksi. I was running low with my money so I definitely needed to find a job as soon as possible. Maybe working with youth was still an option but not in the same place because who knows, maybe Rauli keeps on searching for me. I had no idea where he was and what he was doing, same goes with Susanne. As I had cut all the connections with them, they did now know anything about me either, at least that's what I hoped. I would need to buy myself clothes and I needed a place to live. The AirBnB was not going to be an option in the long term and I don't think moving in with Aleksi straight away was going to be smart either. Not that I did not want to, but if this was going to work then I wanted to start it slowly, dating first and then see if we even fit together. Maybe this all was just some emotional rush and we don't even get along in the long run.

After I had checked in and went through the security check, I put my music on and walked to the gate where my flight was supposed to depart. I found myself an empty place to sit, so I sat there and started to wait until it was time to board the plane. The time was not on my side and each minute felt like an hour, I kept on checking my clock too often and I was getting restless. Suddenly I felt my phone vibrating, so I took it out from my pocket and smiled, when I saw a new message from Aleksi.

Aleksi: Hey, hope you're having a good day today!

That was it. I had made my decision of where I would go after I landed, and now my heart was skipping beats already. 

A/N: Where will she go... ?

Hey all you lovely readers! This story is soon coming to its end.. So I wanted to take a moment to thank you all for being around, reading and leaving comments ♥