After Her Love

32. Breaking the ice

Iiris' PoV

During the flight I managed to sleep for a while, but the closer to Helsinki we got, the more nervous I got. It would be only a matter of time until I was going to stand behind Aleksi's door, ringing his doorbell. So many thoughts ran through me that it was so hard to sit still in such a narrow place as the plane was. My eyes kept on checking the time and calculating how I would spend my every minute as soon as I landed. The whole planning and thinking obviously made me sweat so I had to change my plans a little.

So instead of going straight to Aleksi, I still decided to stop at my AirBnB in Vantaa. It was not too far from the airport so I was there quite soon after landing. It felt weird to be back in Finland. The weather was so much different to what I got used to in the South, but this was still my homeland and I could always go back to Spain if my plans with Aleksi did not work. Of course I wanted them to work. I was ready to work towards the new life with him but I had made a decision while on my journey and it was to think at least two steps ahead.

My AirBnB was a small, one room apartment with a shower. And the shower was the place where I dragged myself soon after getting there. I was not entirely sure if the shower even helped me the way I was hoping because I was still nervous and still sweating. I could not wait to see Aleksi's face. I could not wait to hug him and tell him how much I really missed him. Was he even going to be at home? What if he had someone there? I found myself overthinking it all again but I couldn't help it. I was the one who left, leaving nothing but a note and a shirt behind. It was really even a miracle that Aleksi kept in touch with me after my shitty disappearance act. I was ashamed that I did so and I wanted to tell that to Aleksi too. Things just did not go as I was thinking they would go - me just hanging at his place, avoiding life outside the house and hoping that in some weird way Rauli just vanishes from the earth. But no, instead I shared a night with the one man I did not expect it to happen and now he might be the only one I even want in my life. No matter how drunk we were that night, it was still great and it woke up so many things inside of me which I thought would be dead a long time ago.

Leaving the AirBnB was now another mission. Each step I took that carried me closer to the door, got my heart jumping out my chest. I knew my taxi was going to be here any minute and I should not let it wait, I was struggling to leave the place. For the past month I had only sent messages to Aleksi, but now I was going to face him, speak face to face...

"Okay, Iiris.. You can do this.." I whispered and looked at myself from the mirror. I had cut my long hair shorter while I was away, I just hope Aleksi would like the way I look now. My eyes were not as sad as they used to be and I hoped that Aleksi would notice that too. I took one last breath and put my jacket on before leaving the apartment.

So far I had not had any messages from Aleksi after the one he sent me just before my flight. I had not sent him any after that either although I so badly wanted to tell him that we would see sooner than he thinks. I just could not stop thinking about what he says when he sees me behind his door... Is he even going to say anything? I knew I had a lot to say... Just no idea from where to start.

The whole way from my place to Aleksi's I was creating all kinds of scenarios in my mind, just like the past few days. And once the taxi was there and it was time to get out, I found it extremely hard. For a moment I even considered asking the driver just to take me back to where he picked me up, but the longer I stared at Aleksi's house, the more I wanted to be there with him.

"Thanks." I finally gathered myself and undid the seatbelt. The driver just nodded and I opened the door. It felt like opening the door into the future... This one movement was going to decide a lot about the rest of my life. As soon as I was out, the taxi took off and now there was just a short driveway to walk. The lights were on so he was home, I just hoped that he would not look out of the window right now because I had no clue how I would handle that now because I had my own plans.