Alpha x Alpha [SB19 - SeKen AU]

Chapter 59

MAVERICK

That was it.

That was the confirmation I needed. But somehow, I refused to believe it.

Tila nanigas ang aking buong katawan dahil sa sinabing yun ni Josh.

I can still remember how I clenched my fist so hard that my nails are digging into my palm.

It hurts.

But what hurts more is the fact that I already lose once more eventhough i'm not fighting.

Hell it hurts.

I tucked myself inside the blanket and curled like a ball.

Nung una palang ay talo na ako. Alam ko. Talong talo ako dahil nahulog ako sa taong may minamahal ng iba. Pero mas masakit pala yung alam mong talo ka na pero paulit ulit ka pa ring natatalo. Pakiramdam ko durog na durog ako. Wala nang ni katiting na natira. Masakit. Sobra.

Pero anong magagawa ko? Wala.

Kundi tanggapin ang realidad na nasa harap ko.

Pablo's pregnant.

Josh explained to us everything. Ken is just listening to what he's saying. Pinaliwanag niya din sa amin kung bakit nagkakaganun si Ken gayong dapat ay wala na silang problema dahil ang pagdadalang tao ni Pablo na ang solusyon para di na nila kelangang maghiwalay. That's when we understood why he's acting weird and stressed.

Naaawa pa rin ako sa kanya. With all honesty, of course, I still am. Ken's my friend. Bago pa dumating sa buhay niya si Pablo, magkaibigan na kami. At ayokong masira yun dahil lang sa maling nararamdaman ko.

Pero hindi pa rin mawala ang pananaig sa puso ko ng inggit kesa sa awa.

I envy him. I envy Ken so much.

I sometimes wish that I could be him. Even for just a day. Just to be with the man I like. The man I want to cherish. The man I simply want.

I don't care if he doesn't love me. As long as I could spend some time with him. A few times isn't that selfish to ask right?

Pinilit kong ipikit ang aking mga mata para makatulog ngunit tila ba'y pinaparusahan ako ng langit dahil kahit anong gawin kong paling sa kama ay hindi ako dalawin ng antok.

"Argh!" I groaned in frustration.

Instead of disappointing myself even more because of the harsh reality, I took my phone that was on top of the bedside table.

There was no message. No notifications. No nothing.

Kung sa ibang pagkakataon siguro'y matutuwa ako dahil ang tahimik ng buhay ko. Walang kahit ano. Pero hindi ngayon. Not today. Not now.

I want my mind and body to be occupied with something. Anything. I don't want to think things. It's pointless.

I browse my phone hoping that I could find worth wasting my time off.

Dinala ako ng kamay ko sa socmed ni Pablo.

I already miscounted the times I have been in his profile. Guilty as charge, that has been a lot.

Though Pablo's really not the type who posts everything on the internet. He knows what to share on public and what to keep in private.

Well, almost is in private.

Ang mga larawan na maaaring makita ng lahat ay litrato nya noong medyo bata pa siya. Mostly candid shots.

Anyone will surely notice that he's not fond on himself in front of the camera. Not that he hates it either, I guess.

Cute nya din kahit noong maikli pa lang ang buhok nya, bulong ko sa aking isip habang pinagmamasdan ang mga kuha niya.

Who would've thought that he'll turn into the rarest gem in our lifetime?

Having 3rd gender is absolutely amazing. I've read some information about their kind in some books but this is the first time that I actually did know one, in person.

Fascinating yet scary as well.

Being alpha and omega experienced a lot trouble and stuff due to pheromones. What more if you're both?

Hindi ko alam kung paano tinatanggap ni Pablo ang bagong katauhan na ngayon lang umusbong sa kanya.

Being an omega.

How does it feel that all throughout your existence, you just know you're an alpha which entirely wasn't true?

Hindi ko alam. At hindi ko nais na malaman.

Absolutely confusing.

I checked my inbox. Or I and Pablo's conversation to be exact.

Empty as nothingness.

Hindi kami nag uusap through socmeds.

O mas tamang sabihin na hindi nya ako nirereplyan.

I have sent few chats before but he didn't respond. Kahit tuldok, wala. I don't think he read it as well. The thought make me ache. And again, what can I do? Nothing.

Gustong gusto ko siyang tanungin, kausapin, kamustahin. Pero tila naupos na parang kandila ang aking lakas ng loob para tumipa ng mga kataga para ipadala sa kanya.

I can't form the correct words, phrase, or sentence.

Nanatili akong nakatitig sa cellphone ko hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang unti unting pananakit ng aking mga mata.

Hays.

I sighed.

I decided to took away the phone and put it back to where it settled a moment ago.

I thought I will came up with something but I failed. I don't what to do. I feel like i'm lost.

Bahagya ko na rin lamang nakikita si Pablo sa university. Wala akong ideya kung bakit pero marahil para na rin yun sa kalagayan niya. Ngunit hindi ko pa rin maalis sa'kin ang wag mag alala.

Of course I care. And you guys know why. Kahit na mali.

I put my arms at the back of my head. Letting it to be my pillow as I stared straight to the white ceiling.

Siguro'y dahil sa tagal ng pagtitig ko dito'y may kung anong imahe ng nabuo.

Pablo...

Si Pablo. Imahe ni Pablo noong magkita kami sa mall. Imahe ni Pablo na masaya. Na nahihiya. Imahe ni Pablo na nakangiti.

My heart felt as if it was melted when I saw Pablo smiled. I can still remember his soft giggle. His warm touch when I held him because he felt dizzy. I still remember everything.

Pinilit kong ipikit ang aking mga mata para mawala si Pablo sa paningin ko. Pero hindi ako nagtagumpay.

Pablo's not just linger in my eyes. But he's here, deep within my mind and heart which I couldn't get rid off.

I'm hopeless.

And i'm going insane.

I should've visit him tomorrow. Or else i'll go crazy after a day or two.

With that, I was suddenly lull to slumber.

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