Opening Doors

Chapter 15- The Wedding

***Upcoming chapter may be triggering... and not meant for those under 18**

Weddings, a bit of joy to shed light on a glimpse of a hopeful future.

It was a week after everything for me, my friend was getting married in a week, and I was one of her bridesmaids. We all wanted to go out and have our own bachelorette party for her. She didn't want to do anything too crazy, and I mean I was going to try to be on my best behavior. I was not thinking about any guys at this point, in fact, I was all opposed to anything with a penis in between their legs, currently. As long as I was with my girlfriends, I felt safe from dicks. Would I still look for eye Candy? Of course! But sex and all other things were far away from my mind. After everything that happened in the last month, fuck guys! But by nature, I'm quite the flirt, regardless. So I won't lie, even though I felt this way, I was still the same person. Naughty sarcastic talk and my sexual innuendo jokes everywhere. Plus I saw a reading saying the moment I don't want to go out and my friends convince me to is when I would meet a person. And I definitely didn't want to go out, though, to the untrained eye it may look like I totally wanted to. No, I was basically a homebody at this point, and leaving my bed was not what I wanted to do. And after choosing to only do what I WANTED, it was a tad hard to bite my tongue and go.

See the other thing that happened a lot when I would leave the house, was Moon signs would appear. His name on a garbage disposal, his last name on a sign, random things that only meant things to me and him everywhere... I won't lie, I was trying to avoid my feelings for him, too. And I found myself mad at him, found myself mad, that if I just would've stayed and avoided going in the first place maybe I'd still have a baby, maybe we would've worked this out and I could have avoided all this stupid chaos I got myself in recently. I knew it wasn't Moon's fault. He was proud of me for going after my dreams. It was my own fault I couldn't accomplish it... 😩 My emotions were everywhere at this point. (Which she should be, I technically still have birth.) The other current issue I was having was the fact that my body was literally in pain constantly, and my blood was excessive. Still only lasting 5-7 days. But the pain never went away. I realized it was the stupid IUD.

See, one of the biggest things with me is birth controls fuck up my entire system and when I go in them, my whole body shuts down. I get massive pains and they don't break out of it. That's why I stay away from ALL birth controls, so I had to make a hard choice. I chose to get it removed, but not quite yet. I was going out places and I still had no trust for males in general, I wanted to know I'd be busy and there was no choice of me getting pregnant because I was nowhere near any males.

I mean, aside from work, but those guys were harmless. I won't lie, I had a huge crush on this younger guy there, but I was keeping it to myself because it felt wrong, even though, it was technically legal. Still taboo and felt wrong type thing. But I loved how he made me feel. Made me feel young again, and would tease and pick on me. We would talk about military and police stuff. (He was studying to be an officer) and it was just nice to talk to someone about things. We would talk about literally everything on our shifts. Then again it was normally only him, me, and this old guy. The best part was, I knew he wouldn't try anything because of the the subject of sex would even be brought up, he would get awkward and walk away. Gave me strong virgin vibes. And if not that, you could tell that topic was not something he talked about much. The old guy talked about it ALL the time. Very irritating at some points. And for a while after I started there, so did I. After things happened with the abortion situation, I kind of stopped. It was rare if I brought it up. I think, I only brought it up when the pilots to Golf Alpha would come and that was just to inform them of toys for their wives while they were gone. (Used to work at Spencer's, so I knew all about this stuff...) Harmless informative talk. To the point and not sexual vibes attached. I call this "guy talk" and I was very fluent in this, since my whole life I've been considered "one of the guys".