Opening Doors

Chapter 9- Basic Training, my birthday

We're going to go back a few days...

It was my birthday... it was a Sunday, and like most Sundays we had church and we had free time. The drill sergeants in charge of this week were the 4th platoon. I already knew it would be a difficult week ahead. Every time they are in charge of anything, have to expect some hard love... just wish it wasn't the week of my birthday...

That day, like any other birthday, I didn't go into expecting much. Shit, my 30th birthday consisted of my ex-husband buying me a small cake that seemed to have been grabbed last second from the store and my daughter with her bigger Harry Potter cake and all of his family there for her and them finding out last second it was mine. He said he invited my friends to my "surprise" 30th birthday party. The surprise was, he didn't and it wasn't actually for me... I'm very happy my daughter had an amazing birthday that year, but this is just an example of my birthdays, in general. That's why I make it an effort to go out of my way to make sure I say happy birthday to those I love when I can and show them.

It's strange how 24 hours can change a perspective. To be honest, writing what I wrote so far seems like a woes me type thing, but the point I'm going to make from this, is I've never really had a birthday where it just stood out aside from a surprise party my "sister" threw me when I was 19. I've always made my birthday special for me since it always felt like no one cared, I wanted to show myself that I cared about myself. Some good self loves, right? Also seeing it as me being a hobbit and just wanting to celebrate on my birthday with friends and I'll gift them type of thing. (Honestly, Ant was right, I'm picky as shit anyway. Lol, But shit he could've done way better than pretending to care about me and my birthday when I know he didn't. I don't like people that pretend or choose to lie to me when I know the truth already. Having these psychic abilities are a blessing and a curse, but I don't regret them. They open my eyes a lot.) But this birthday was different... it may have had a generic "suck" to it, but you know why it didn't suck? It had some really amazing people. My "family". My platoon...

On my birthday, we sat 6' away and were only allowed to be on our phones for 5 minutes that day and we weren't allowed to FaceTime or anything. It was a quick, write people and turn off our phones type of day. Of course, I tried calling Moon, but he didn't answer, so I left a text message and for the longest time I had thought I mentioned it was my birthday in that message, but I guess I did not. I thought he would say happy birthday or something, leave a message? Anything... it was getting to the point where all I wanted to hear was his voice. Anything. I get so alone and the one person I wanted to hear from, didn't want to talk to me. A month ago I was told, "There's more than just sex here." To nothing... one weekend I called just to hear his voice, and he told me he couldn't talk because he was fixing a toilet, but he was able to snap a picture and text me, but couldn't use that same hand he was snapping with to answer a phone just to say "hi" and "I can't talk..." No, he was avoiding me. And I knew why. I could feel it. I felt someone else. But, boy oh boy, did I want to be wrong. I was going through a thing I wasn't telling anyone. The emotions I was feeling were very high on many levels. I was going through a lot. I kept most of it to myself, and those I would talk about Moon to, would tell me screw him, he's a dick and not worth my time and I deserve so much better than him. But I had no proof that he was with anyone else, it was just an eerie feeling I had, and I already didn't trust my intuition, I had to be crazy, right? So I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. I was really trying to hold it all together. I hated how a guy was messing with my mind when I was finally there doing my dream. I was finally LIVING! It felt great and crappy all at once and DS Charlie was not helping anything with this... "you know he's cheating on you, they never stay loyal to you when you're gone." I would hate to admit to myself that I was starting to really believe him, especially since he was not my favorite person, but everyone else loved him. Truthfully DS Charlie, was actually a very good guy and looked out for his "nieces and nephews". They all did.