The Hurt Game

❧ thirty-five

Quietness of mornings, blissful times when spent with your lover. Occasionally the song of a bird would echo through the slightly opened windows. Cars from far, far below was heard, but only a low buzz. Mornings like these were a blessing to wake up to, if it hadn't been for such a chaotic night.

My chest rose and fell with every breath, pressing tighter against Royden's arm before it deflated with an exhale. My fingers traced along his arm, which was sprawled across my chest. His face was hidden by my shoulder. He was breathing softly.

Royden stirred, tensed his arm around me before lifting his face a little. His eyes fluttered open, met mine and then they closed again. His head dropped on my shoulder as he scooted closer to me.

I wiggled my hand free from where it lay underneath him and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. My hand tangled in his hair. I turned my face towards him and pressed a kiss on his forehead.

After last night, we went to bed in almost complete silence. We didn't speak a word about what had happened, about why he was apparently so freaked like Anthony had told me. We had quickly changed into our sleeping attire before we crawled into bed. He had tugged me close and I wrapped him even closer. Royden woke up a couple of times, jerking so heavily it woke me in the process. I never minded; I could be there to comfort him.

"You're alright?" I whispered against his forehead.

He nodded his head and kissed my jaw lazily. "Fine," he breathed. His head dropped back to my shoulder and cuddled closer.

"Okay."

We remained lying in silence, but words were dying to leave my lips. I wanted to ask him about what happened, but how was I ever going to address such a sensitive conversation? What was the right way to start?

Sunlight poured through the half-closed curtains and it brightened the room enough to distinguish the details. I stared up at the ceiling though, which was plain white, no cracks in it. My fingers messaged Royden's scalp as the strands of his hair fell through them.

Royden sighed and distanced himself a little from me, enough to look at me. My eyes flickered down to meet his dark gaze. Even in the morning light it was hard to differ pupil from iris. Still it managed to make me feel at home.

"Ask," he whispered. I furrowed my eyebrows a little. He showed me a small smile. "I know you want to ask. So ask."

"I don't want to upset you," I replied in a hushed tone.

He exhaled through his nose before he turned around on his back. He threw his arm over his head, so half his face was hidden. "I can hear you thinking, Wave, and I know it won't stop till you've asked."

I paused for a moment as I watched him. He didn't move, except for his chest moving up and down. I wanted to reach out, hold him close again and shield him from all the harm.

"I was only curious. You seemed so freaked out last night. I couldn't help but worry," I rambled silently. "I just... What happened?"

"We were on a mission and... it went well. Everything went according plan," he explained. His arm didn't move from his face. Was it that painful to look at me, or was it that painful to tell the story to my face?

"Tony and I were searching for the victims. It was this human trafficking case, you know. I knew what was to come, but still... when my eyes landed on those girls..."

I reached over and placed my hand on his arm. He startled a little at my touch before he relaxed. His hands formed into fists as he breathed purposefully, trying to regulate his breathing.

"One of those girls... She-she wore this light brown hair, right down to her waist. It was wavy, just like yours, and for a moment..." he trailed off. My breath caught in my throat. "I thought it was you. I could only think of you. I was... I was terrified."