Keep Driving [h.s]

thirty

tw/ mention of suicidal thoughts and loss
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Harry

Losing control as a control freak feels like it's the end of the world.

I am a control freak. And I've lost control over the one thing that's the most important to me. My daughter.

I'm in my car, Zayn next to me as I push my car to the max and fly through the neighbourhood towards my home.

It's been five hours since Daniella called. I was on the jet on my way back home from Mexico when she called me distressed and said she thought there was someone in the house.

She was talking one moment, then she wasn't anymore. I was checking through every footage I have on my phone but I couldn't see anything. Whoever it was, fucked with the system so I'd see the same footage all day long and it wouldn't pick up their movement.

They got through the security.

I had one of my guys, Evan take back control over the security system so I could see the current footage of my house. The garage door is open, the front door is closed. The Tesla is gone. There's blood on the garage floor.

My mind went to the worst immediately. If the car is gone, it's because Ella is driving it. That blood can only be Soleil's. My daughter's blood. And that's a lot of blood, from a small baby.

I can barely keep myself together. I know Zayn is talking to me but I can't hear anything he's saying from my ears ringing.

My throat feels like it's closing up, I can barely get oxygen into my lungs but I still manage to. I have to.

"Harry!" Zayn shouts loud enough to snap me out of my thoughts. I'm so close to home, just a few more minutes.

Once Zayn's aware that he has my attention, he goes on, "If she's in the Tesla, you can track the car down."

And for the first time in five hours, I feel something. Hope.

Zayn takes my phone from me as soon as I unlock it for him and taps away to find the correct app. He taps a little more and then...

"It says the car is in Baltimore."

I step on the break and change my direction with a quick U-turn on the wide road. Zayn grabs onto the door handle and I floor the gas again, now driving in the right direction.

Three hours later, I'm still on the road in the middle of the night. It's almost four in the morning, the sun is going to come up soon.

I have not been able to talk throughout the entire ride. Zayn has been navigating me and I listen but I just can't speak. I'm physically not able to.

My head went through possibly five thousand scenarios about what awaits me when I get to Baltimore. The car is parked at a house according to the map. I can only hope they are fine.

Hope. Strange emotion. I have been hopeful in my life many times. As a child, I hoped I would be the next kid who gets adopted into a nice family. I hoped my parents would come looking for me. When Nick died I hoped I would be able to run his business. I hoped to be successful.

Thing is, now that I'm close to 26, my definition of success has changed. A few months ago, I considered nothing but my business a success. It was the only thing I had in my life.

Now though, I have a girlfriend and a daughter. A family. Something I never thought I'd have.

I never thought of Nick and Johnny as my family. They were of course, in some way but I just didn't think like that back then.