To my beloved, Terry

Chapter 31

The thing about loving is that you'll lost control of whether it is becoming too much or fair enough. Beomgyu had zero knowledge on this kind of devotion. He had never cross a love so immeasurable that he doesn't even know exist. However, Terry and Ben came. Taehyun came.

He had never been this courageous. He had never longed for something—someone this deep not until Taehyun came. Not until he had realize how much accomplished it felt when he's in between his grasp. Not until he had realize that this is how it felt to be love ever since from another lifetime. Terry had always been in love and it had always been in the insides of Taehyun's core. He couldn't be more contented. He couldn't be more possessive on the type of love they have formed.

Beomgyu slept with dried tears, hushed hiccups clutching firmly on Taehyun's damped shirt. He doesn't have any idea why was Beomgyu crying again but he knows for sure that it has something to do with the dreams. It's always been his number one source of lament. He had spend an hour of hushing him until he was in deep slumber plus another one hour of contemplating on the things he can possibly do to ease the sorrow his lover is feeling.

It was until dawn hits that he had fallen asleep still in thoughts of his massive affection towards the brave boy sleeping peacefully on his chest. Taehyun is so fucking in love and he doesn't have an ounce of reason not to brag about it. Beomgyu deserves to be pampered as much he should have been in the past but he was late. Too late.

Right after the breakfast they shared, Beomgyu was the first one to open the table.

“It wasn't Terry who killed B-Ben.” He hushed worrying the young lad once more with the tone he  currently is hearing.

“It's okay, love. We can talk about it when you're ready, 'kay?” He assured, striding to kneel down to face the older who avoided his gaze as if he was embarrass to be called being such a crybaby— in fact, it was very oblivious.

“No.” Beomgyu replied, not wanting to left him hanging and wondering like he had been doing ever since they met until the truth was finally revealed.

“S-Steve. It was Steve who killed him. It w–was... 'twas S-Soobin hyung.” He said, eyes watering as he mentioned the name and Taehyun immediately embraced him without a doubt when he heard the broken sob.

“Shh, It's fine. We're okay now. It's okay now love. It's all in the past. No one's gonna hurt us.” Taehyun assured because goddamn he hated seeing Beomgyu in this state and the fact that he couldn't do much to stop it, to save the older from this misery state is frustrating the hell out of him. His Beomgyu should be crying out of happiness.

“It–It's so sad. It's so unfair to them. T-they just want to be free. W-Why does it have to be that bad?” Beomgyu ranted in between the sobs but then again, Taehyun's words of assurance is the only thing the younger could answer.

“I felt so bad. I-I felt so angry at Terry because... because I thought he betrayed him, beca—”

“Hey, hey, look at me. Your feelings are valid however there's no reason for you to feel guilty at all baby.” Taehyun cuts him off, cupping the entirety of his face to properly look at him in the eyes.

“You didn't know. We didn't know what exactly happen and look, I'm here and you are too. We're together now, aren't we? We finally have our freedom.” Taehyun continued connecting their forehand as he kissed the salty droplets from Beomgyu's ever so mesmerizing eyes.

Beomgyu nodded relentlessly as he savours their moment. “I doubted him. I doubted his love and it's l-like... it f-feels like I doubted you too. I-I hate it. I hate it so much because I shouldn't have. You've always been in deep affection of me, of B-ben but... I'm sorry. I'm s-sorry, Taehyun-ah. I-I love you so much.” Beomgyu once again mumbled out hysterically. Taehyun could feel like he was being suffocated that had him terrified. Beomgyu is greatly in pain that he starts to tremble too.

“I know. I know. It's okay. I love you too. I love you so much and Terry too. He had always loved Ben too so you shouldn't be feeling this way. We know. Breathe, love.” He assures and he'll never get tired. He'll never get tired of being Beomgyu's comfort, shoulder to lean on and air to breathe. He would dive a cliff if he tells him too. He'd go rogue for him, for this.

After almost an hour of them being each other's comfort, they decided to explain everything to the couple with Huening Kai this time. He felt left out at first, however, they detailed everything from the beginning with Yeonjun supporting them this time. Huening was left in awe whilst Soobin listened carefully, surprisingly as if it isn't the first time he heard about it.

“No offense, Soobin hyung but you're downward the most shitey character here after Taehyun. I mean, you could have at least have one percent of mercy and let them go but instead you pulled the trigger to kill not only Beom— who was it? Ben, right? But everyone else in the story. You stressed me!?” Kai mumbled out after everything had been placed on the table.

“Hey, it's not Binnie's fault but Steve!” Yeonjun argued side hugging his husband who only let out a shy grin.

“Don't worry Soobin hyung. I'm not angry or what at you. I'm just really flabbergasted of this new information.” Beomgyu assured, his lover secretly squeezes his right thigh under the table that sends pink dusts in his ears.

“It's fine, Gyu. I'm sorry too if you have to see that traumatizing thing.” The older replied, moving to pull his husband closer that had his younger brother's face  made a disgust face. God, he hates being single.

“But why? I mean, I'm still confuse as to why they needed Terry's body like it could stop the war. They could have just use his power instead to leave for Germany, Italy or whatever. Does Steve had like a bad thing to Ben?” Huening asked again that had the room still.

“He... Ben would do it himself.” Soobin confessed that had everyone's attention turn to him in a blink.

“What do you mean, hyung? Do you know something?” Taehyun asked, brows in furrowed out of curiosity.

“Ben asked Steve to do it incase Terry can't. He knew. Ben knew that Terry will never do it or he had suspicion that he'll hurt himself that's why he had asked Steve to do it for him and Terry's gun... it had zero bullet. It was Ben's plan and he had Steve swore to never let anyone knew of it for the sake of Terry.” He continues that had both Yeonjun and Kai let out an overly dramatic gasp.

“H-How'd you know all of this, hyung?” Beomgyu asked, heart swelling and eyes starts to be watery again at the jaw dropping piece of information. He couldn't help but curse in silence on how dramatic he reacts even when it's already done.

“Because I have been living with that guilt too. I saw it too. I have been dreaming of the same scenes over and over again ever since I was a kid to the point that it doesn't scare me anymore. If anything, it made me feel guilty because I always see the desperation in your eyes. I... I didn't know it was you until I saw for the first time on the picture you sent in your information.” He confessed.

“Oh, Binnie. Why haven't you told me this?” Yeonjun asked, lips quivering at the admitting. He had never heard of Soobin speaking a word of this matter ever since the day he had met and he couldn't help but feel upset at the same time worried for he had been enduring it all along too.

“It's fine, honey. I recently just sorted everything too. I wasn't sure if my dreams were true or not until I had seen glimpse both of Ben and Terry in your faces. I'm sorry I kept it.” He replies, giving an older a light kiss in his forehead that had Yeonjun slipping of a tear.

“So, it was really Ben's decision all along from the start?” Kai followed-up.

Beomgyu doesn't know what to feel. He doesn't know if he should be happy to hear that Steve didn't really mean it but it also feels so wrong of him to made a decision that left everyone miserable. It was all his doings. It was his fault why everyone felt so lost when he could have begged, when he could have asked Steve to let them go. All he could feel right now is Ben is stupid. So stupid that he's starting to feel angry about it.

“Gyu? Baby, you okay?” Taehyun snapped his attention, softly putting some strands of his bangs away that covered his face.

“I... E-excuse me.” Beomgyu abruptly stood up surprising everyone as he hastily run upstairs to look himself up in his room ignoring the worried calls of his hyungs, Kai and Taehyun who tried to chase him but failed to do so.

This, is this the punishment of his foolish actions before? Does he deserves to feel this pain?

I guess so, he whispered.