SIMPHIWE SHANDU THE HUSBAND

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“So, how was the date?” Nqobile is so eager to hear all about it and I am just bored to even tell her the details. 
“Bad.” 
“How?” She sits next to me.
“I went on and on about Simphiwe not realizing that I am pushing him away.” She shakes her head. 
“Good luck. You have finally pushed him away. Hope you will not regret your decision. Call Simphiwe and cry on his shoulder. Angithi that is what you do best.” She walks out and leaves me standing. There is nothing I did there wrong like really. He asked me about who Bagqibile is, and I just spoke the truth. If he can’t stand me then he needs to suck it up. I take off my heels and throw them aside. My phone rings and I assume it is Simphiwe. My heart sinks realizing that it is the unknown number. 
“Halo.” 
“This is Snako from Siyafihla insurance...” I drop the line before she could even finish. I am just annoyed. I was expecting someone! I have been anticipating with my thoughts whether to call Simphiwe or not. 
“You know what!” the liver in me. His phone is ringing unanswered. Can't be that he cannot hear me. Finally, he gets to answer but the voices on the other line are disturbing me. They are talking about a baby, c-sections. I look at the screen and the call is still counting. As much as I want to listen my airtime is running out. I wonder what happened. Maybe its’s hat woman giving birth to a still born who knows. I throw my phone aside and take a deep sigh. My life is like a movie that I cannot even control. 
“Will see you tomorrow. I must be home.” Nqobile with her sudden attitude, I seriously do not understand it.  The date was mines and not hers. 
“Okay.” if she thinks that I will be begging her to talk to me or stay. She doesn’t really know Bagqibile. She walks out and lets me recollect myself. I lay on my back next to my baby peacefully sleeping. My baby is growing. I didn’t know that one day she would take baby steps. She was like a crippled doll that got to be on display. I smile and caress on her cheek. Maybe I just need to forget about relationships. 
“Your father will come around.” I say and close my eyes. Njinji will come around also. That means I would have to choose wisely when both these men decide to come back. Why am I this confused? I sometimes think that I am a fool yazi!  

SIMPHIWE

I can't lose Nozi. I refuse. After the fall out I rushed her to the hospital. My fear was losing her and on the other hand was Nozi losing her baby. There is just too much to tackle at this point. 
“You can go home sir. The doctors are busy with her.” One of the nurses say. She doesn’t understand. I want to be there when she finally wakes up. I want her eyes to land on me when she wakes up. The pain she is feeling is not compared to what I am feeling. Men do feel pain too.
“They will call you. I suggest you go home and take a shower then sleep.” 
“Once I have seen the doctor. I will go home.” I assure her. She tells me that Nozi is in good hands and continues with her way. I don’t care what happens to me, but I want my Nozi to be fine. I am such a bad father. I haven't checked on my kids and I am sure they believe that I have abandoned them. Let me call their day care nanny...
“Mr. Shandu.” the formalities.
“Ms. Kubheka. How are my kids?” 
“They are doing just fine. They don’t even notice that you are not around.” Her response keeps me out of my misery. At least they are not troubling her. 
“I am facing a lot of challenges now and the environment is not good for them at the moment. Please, can I keep them there for a few days until I have figured everything out?” Luckily, she agrees. I just need to send her money so that she can buy the missing stuff for my kids. I sink back on the benches. I am hungry but I cannot eat knowing that Nozi is not in a good state. Do I call her father? But her father gets sick often and I don’t want to burden him with the trouble. Rather tell the wife. She will have a better way of breaking the news to her husband. Will do that later on once the doctors have confirmed everything. 

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I must have passed out on the benches. Everything hurts. From the back of my head where I was attacked to my toes. My mind is just blank and confused. I seriously need to put something in my stomach of mine. I stand up stretching myself. Finally!
“Mr Shandu. I didn’t know you were still here.” These doctors sound surprised. They should get married, and they will understand why I am here. 
“I couldn’t leave my wife not knowing what Is wrong with her. I must also tell our family.”
“Her BP was extremely high, and it took hours for us to stabilize her. Can we go talk in a private area.” He suggests having me to have a pause in everything. I do not like the sound of his tone. 
“You can tell me.” 
He chucks shaking his head. “You are also a doctor; you should know by now. Please follow me.” I have no time to correct him. I follow him behind. We are at his office. Doctors with privileges. I sit down sucking my breath in.  
The doctor takes a deep breath. “Your wife suffered intensive shock.” I nod my head. That was the first that I picked up. The news hit her hard. 
I let my lungs breathe. “Where to from here?” I ask.
“The shock she is in - includes the refractory stage. This can lead to a high risk of maternal and fetal mortality.  The treatment of shock in a pregnant woman differs in two important respects from the treatment of shock in other adults. And the worst-case scenario in this is that the shock landed her in a coma.”
This cannot be true. “How so? She was wide awake when we got here!” Is he trying to tell me that she has minimal brain activity? 
He further adds. “She is alive which is a good sign but can't be woken up and shows no signs of awareness.” Nozi has suffered way too much, and I do not even know how to take the pin away. I am also the cause of this pain. If only I zipped my pants – we wouldn't be here. Jele knew what he was doing. He had this all figured out from the start. I get to burn throughout all this. What should I make out of it? 
“Can I see her?” 
“Another thing. We cannot keep them both alive. One will have to be terminated. I suggest you gather as a family and come up with a decision before we could lose both.” That I was expecting. The shock she is in is not good for her own health. I don’t know how to respond to the situation at hand. How will I even look at her? I don’t want her to die. I don’t want an innocent soul to die too. Now I am left with a mist of a decision to make!

Her eyes are closed, and she appears to be unresponsive to the environment. I poke her underneath her foot hoping for flinch or any movement. But none. I know that they won't normally respond to sound or pain, or be able to communicate or move voluntarily, and basic reflexes, such as coughing and swallowing. I am just in denial with everything that is happening. I was happy to have her back. But now having her back comes with a lot of challenges. Will I be able to pull through all alone without any support system? Not that is am regretting anything but the fear in me of losing myself. I will have to be strong throughout, but I do not know whether I will be able to hold on to this massive stone. How long will she be in this coma? What will make out the child she is carrying? Worst part, when one is in a coma, we cannot determine how they will be in that state. I need advice. I want some guidance and support. I am just all alone and lost.
I kiss her forehead and hold her hand. “You do know much I love you. You always put me first even though I know I irritate you at times. You always have my back when tough times pass. But today I want to do the complete opposite. I want to be the one who will be there for you through thick and thin. I promise you to stand by your side at all times. No more cheating, no more me being confused and lost. I want you and only you.” I kiss the back of her hand and take a deep breath.
Jele knew what was happening to his body. He felt his own inner peace. I still remember the words he once shared with me. 
‘Do not keep your feelings inside. When you care about someone, you should let them know. Express your love instead of keeping it bottled up inside, because even if you assume your person already knows how you feel, it’s always nice to hear the words spoken aloud.’ This is exactly what I am trying to do. To be open and let my feelings out. Now the question is – is it too late to mend the broken piece I have caused?