SIMPHIWE SHANDU THE HUSBAND

The sounds of chickens making noise are just annoying. That is why I sometimes dislike coming here. I look at the side of the bed and it's empty. So, he woke up and ran away. I feel tears blinding my vision.  The door opens and he walks smelling of cow dung. He stops on his tracks and looks at me with that stupid scowl on his face. 
“Why are you crying?” I didn’t even notice the burning tears dribbling down my cheeks. I wipe my tears, but they are just continuously coming out. My father walks past my bedroom. 
“Is everything alright?” he asks Simphiwe who was standing beside the door. 
“I don’t, she is crying.” Simphiwe steps aside and my father walks in. 
“Ndodakzi.” His voice just makes me want to scream. “Kwenzenjani?” 
“Simphiwe left me!” I snap. What for I also don’t know. 
“Left you?” He is confused. Shame my poor father. 
“I woke up and he was not in bed.” I say in a whisper then sniff. They both look at each other and let out a growling laugh. I don’t know why men have this ugly laugh. It's better if they smile, honestly. 
“But he is right here.” My father finds this amusing. 
“You don’t understand.” I wanted a morning glory father. I am horny as hell! My mind is not thinking straight. Lord help me. 
“I guess Mkhwenyana will know what to do then.” He stands up and laughs as he leaves my room, closing the door. I am still under cover covered with a duvet with nothing underneath. 
“Did I do something wrong?” he asks, still standing in the same spot. 
“You are a man. You should google it out!” My snap is followed by a tongue click. I pull my gown and wear it roughly. I walk past him, and he grabs my arm. He pushes me against the wall. 
“Do not snap at me ever again. Do you understand me?” He unties my gown. I nod my head understanding. 
“But you left me.” My emotional tactics come to mode again. God why am I this emotional so early in the morning? 
“That is because I was helping father with the cows.” His face is just inches away from mine.
“Please, fuck me.”  The guts in me. His face brightens up. His lips find my neck making me moan softly. 
“Not in your father's house wifey. You are so loud.” his lips find mine. I am kissing him for dear life. I should be feeling guilty for doing this to Jele but I am not. He pulls back.  “We will save this for later. I will fuck you in every direction you require.” he tells me making my clit to throb in pleasure already. Now I just want to leave my father's house right this minute and be pleased. Is it wrong to be this way when pregnant? I understand if he says he respects my father. I would have done the same. Can’t imagine having a nice time while having rents under the same roof. 
“You are beautiful.” he perks on my lips and smiles taking off his clothes. I am left panting, wanting more of him. I look at his member and it has grown full. I am tempered to touch it. But then again, I do not want to do something that will embarrass me. I take a deep breath and fix myself. I am leaking! Gosh. I threw the gown in between my legs and walked out of the door. Hope by the time I reach the kitchen it will have done its job. 
“You are awake?” that is my father’s wife slaving up and down the kitchen. 
“Yes.” I sit down feeling drained. Something is just weighing on my shoulders. 
“Had a rough night?” she asks, placing a plate Infront of me. I don’t recall brushing my teeth. I was busy crying begging to be fucked. Now I feel stupid for crying to my ex-husband for sex. How will I make out of this? 
“My night was smooth. Slept like a baby. It feels like something is just sitting on me making me tired.” 
“Maybe it’s the pregnancy. You are still yet to feel tired all the times – so I've heard.” she adds. I believe that was meant to be a joke or something. 
My father and Simphiwe join us in the kitchen. The table is filled with laughter. I am just looking at my father, looking at his wife with so much love. I am glad he moved on from my mother. And I also noticed that her pictures are no longer on the wall. But that is something I cannot just rock and ask. If he decided to move past that life – it was good for him. As long as he is happy. I see Simphiwe stealing glances at me. He is looking at me – like those first days we met. I blush and play with the food on my plate. 
“We should get going. I don’t want to be late for work.” Simphiwe announces making me to choke. Was he not suspended for a year? I look at him in disbelief. I want to scream and ask him why he is lying. 
“It’s okay Mkhwenyana. I am just grateful for guys passing by. You should visit more often now that my grandchild is on the way.”
“We will father. Babe, are you done?” I side eye him making my father chuck.
“She doesn’t want to leave.” I don’t know what is funny about this - I find it very controlling and annoying. 
“I came with my car.” It's not my car, but his. 
“Will see you at home then.” He excuses himself. I look at my father looking at me with a worried look on his face. 
“Are things okay between you two?” 
“Yes, I came alone, and I will leave alone. And besides I am not talking to him.” He denied me an organism this morning and I am still grumpy about it. 
-
-
-

I took my own sweet time to follow Simphiwe behind. I just enjoyed being at home around my father. It was refreshing and brought back some memories. Driving back –  I have some anxieties. I don’t know why. Maybe I am just scared of what happened in the past. I take a deep breath. 
Will have to pass by town and buy myself those banana’s which Simphiwe failed to do. 
“How much?” I ask the gentleman who was standing beside the road. 
“Ten-rand indishi.” I decided to buy it from him. Fresh and very big making my mouth to water. 
“Thank you. Keep the change.” He hands me the banana in a plastic and bows his head in respect. It’s not that much. I gave him fifty rand. I drive straight to Simphiwe’s house. Look at me. I said I was going to pass by Mlando’s place. I make a U-turn and drive straight to Mlando’s house. The gate is swiftly closed. That is so weird. I do not have the remote to the gate because I was always in the house, so I did not see the need to have one. Where could he be? His phone is still not going through. 
“Mxm!” if he wants to play hide and seek fuck him! I drive back to where my heart wants to be, but my body says others wise. 
“Simphiwe!” stupid moron is not here. The house is empty. Maybe he is with Jele. Who knows. These days they have suddenly become best buddies confusing me. Or maybe I am the one being towed here? I go straight to the bedroom. I want to take a nap before I go to fetch his kids from day-care. They have been in that place for days and it’s starting to hurt. The kids will feel neglected. A brown envelope on top of the bed. I frown looking at it. I take it and place it aside. But my itchy eyes want to see what’s inside. I remember serving him divorce papers with this brown envelope. You know what – If I die, I die. 
“A contact between Simphiwe and Jele. Haibo!” I place that aside. What the hell is going on here? I pull for all of papers that are side, and I feel my body shrink. My heart stops beating for a second. A letter specifically for me. My smile widens – so, he misses me after all.  I sit on top of the bed with my legs crossed. I place my banana’s right on the side. I want to eat while reading. Jele is romantic in his ways. Who knows, maybe he is out there planting a massive surprise for his baby mama, and I am here sulking in another man’s house. I lean against the headboard. 
“This isn't how I pictured life would turn out to be for us. Never imagined I'd have to say goodbye and at the same time not even get the chance to say goodbye. You were one of a kind, you were my best friend, and you made my world shine just a little bit brighter on the darkest of days. Forgive me for my actions, words, and thoughts, and live a peaceful and harmonious life. I pray for you to be happy from the bottom of my heart. I only want the best for you, and I know I'll never be able to provide it. I never intended for things to turn out this way, and I will always wish you well in life. I know you will long hear my voice sing the songs that I loved, see my face, sit beside me, tell me you love me, hear my laugh, or just have those simple conversations we once had. I know that it probably hurts more than anything else ever has, and you feel like you just cannot go on. I am sorry I had to go, but my body just couldn’t do it anymore. There is nothing more that I wanted than to spend a lifetime with all of you. I fought with every ounce of my being because of the love we all share. What I want you to understand is that even though all of that physical stuff is gone from sight, our love will never cease to exist. The love that we share is what will carry you through. Our ties, our bond, and our love cannot be severed. Love is the most powerful force on Earth and transcends all…even death. Life will be different when I’m gone; you won’t like it and you may want to fight it. You will want to scream out loud in agony, but when you pick yourself back up off the floor, like I expect you to, remember that love. Let that love emanate through your body. I am there, our love is there, I am just gone from sight. You all are aware that I always had high expectations of myself, and I have even higher expectations of you now that I am gone. When every cell in your being wants to give up and wallow because the sadness and pain are unbearable, I want you to take some time and allow yourself that, but then I need you to put two feet on the ground for me. When you cannot do it for yourself, do it for me and our child. I no longer have that privilege. You are going to want the world to stop turning, and you will want to holler at all of the people continuing their lives while you are stuck in this vast array of darkness, but when it is dark, I want you to wake up and watch the sun rise. Each day, when you feel like you cannot put one foot in front of the other, watch the sun slowly rise through the clouds and know that I am still there with you. When night falls and the sorrow rear its ugly head, go outside and look up at the stars and the moon and realize the intricacies of the universe and speak to me, I am there. With the change of every season, think of me and find a way to honor my spirit...” I throw the letter on the floor with my chest rising up and down. What is Jele exactly saying to me? I feel hot and suffocated.