Until Next Time | HS

36.

A/N ( important):

The next few chapters can be triggering for some people, so please read with caution. I can’t tell you what it will be because I’d be giving spoilers, but just know that it can include some loud triggers and some silent ones. For reference, you can go back to the ‘Introduction’ and see the warnings.

Also, after reading this, I’m so sorry if you're dealing with the same thing. If you want to pour your heart out or want to talk to someone, please don't hesitate to message me here or on my Twitter which is linked in the bio. Please, take care of yourself and talk out your problems with someone you’re comfortable with.

I love you and I’m so proud of you <3

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Home.

A home is a place you feel safe, calm, and relaxed in. It is the only place a person runs back to when things get tough or the person wants to have a peaceful stay. The walls of it, the air of it, the feeling of it are supposed to give you comfort and happiness. That's what a home is, a person's solace and serenity.

But for me, it was exactly the opposite.

It was just a house with walls and furniture with four people living inside. Actually, three and one. In my own house, I felt like a stranger ever since mum passed away. The feeling of not being wanted is the worst to ever exist and I felt that every single day I spent in this house. But sometimes, you have to keep living the way you are until you find the forever escape.

Now, I'm right in front of the metal gate of my house with my bag in hand. I could see the front yard which used to be blooming with flowers and greenery all the time, getting dryer and dryer. The memories start to flood back as I keep staring at the front porch, I remember the laughs, I remember the cries, I remember the gardening I used to do with mum and Felix, I remember the water fights, I remember the nighttime stargazing with my two favourite people.

I remember everything.

I clench my fists quickly before lifting my shaky hand to the metal gate. I take a deep breath with closed eyes and slightly push the gate. The slight noise of the metal crashes with my eardrums and I hesitantly take one step inside. My heart thuds when I see a familiar car parked in the driveway. But I blink and try to contain myself before stepping forward.

With every step, my heart thuds louder than the one before. I feel the air getting colder and the air getting thicker when I stand in front of the door. I swallow the lump in my throat when I see a big Christmas wreath hanging on the wooden door and a small fake Christmas tree at the corner of the door. But, unfortunately, I have to get inside. And to make that happen, I have to ring the bell.

This is terrifying. The mere thought of seeing the three of them makes me want to already cry, and not in a happy way. It's pathetic honestly, I shouldn't be this scared to walk into my house which was entirely mine before he took it from me. But I can't help it. I know what will happen if I go inside, and unfortunately for me, I've already pissed him off on the call before. I just have to accept the fact that I have had to get inside to get what's mine since the beginning.

So, I closed my eyes for a moment and calmed myself down. I open my eyes when I prepare myself to be emotionless and lock all of it inside. With a deep breath, I bring my hand up to the bell and press the button. I quickly bring my hand down and form a tight fist before closing my eyes and looking down at my feet. I feel my heart skipping a beat when I hear the lock of the door opening. I swallow harshly and tightly shut my eyes when I hear the faint voices coming from inside when the door opens.