The Last We Fell

22. 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔏𝔞𝔰𝔱 𝔓𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤 | 𝔄𝔡𝔞𝔪

"How is Primrose doing these days?" Liam asked, not as subtly nonchalant as he hoped. He had been talking about everything and nothing since I stepped foot in his living room. Sometimes my older brother can be a rambling buffoon- especially when he's running circles around what he really wants to say or ask.

The question brought me out of my faraway drifting thoughts. I couldn't bring myself to focus on Liam's rant, but at the mention of Prim I had to roll my head back and sigh. He's always been massively overprotective of Prim. Obviously being the eldest, he was overprotective over all of us. What happened with Sarah, and then Prim being sent to the clinic shortly after -not to mention my leaving town for awhile- had hit him deep, deeper than any of us I suspect. Liam might not voice it, but I grew up in his shadow my entire life, and I came to recognise when he was devastated. He was completely wrecked from how our life was fractured in so little time and he could do nothing about it. I suspect since then, he'd been blaming himself partially or wholly for things out of his control, but even when I point it out, he refuses to accept that notion.

Over the months I had left St. Honors, wanting, needing a change of environment, atmosphere- needing to be away from the hurt and the jagged pieces of what used to be family- Liam stayed. He may not have been available, but he was the one who made sure Prim was okay. He visited her when no one cared to check up on her. He made sure she was comfortable and sheltered from the shrapnel of our brokenness. Liam might have not shown it. Granted, he was in a worse predicament, having not only to keep up appearances, stay on top of  business, and deal with whatever our parents threw his way. It wasn't his fault that he was the closest person Prim could take out her frustration on. He was there, and she was hurt and scared and confused. She was a kid, stubborn as any of us O'Connors, and Liam was the closest adult she could blame for her whole world falling apart. 

Naturally, she grew up and grew out of it. She hadn't said it expressly, but anytime Liam was brought up in conversation you couldn't miss the sadness and longing in her eyes. And him being the self-blaming idiot he is, cannot get his head out of his ass and just go to her. Liam was still afraid of hurting her. Afraid his presence will trigger her. Despite having told him multiple times that he didn't make a lick of sense. That never prevented him from asking me about her every single time we met. I shot him a desperate look. "Look, you can't keep avoiding this forever. Seriously Liam, what are you waiting for? Haven't you hesitated long enough. For fuck's sake, she misses you. She needs you and you know it."

He looked away and then down at the hands clasped in his lap, brows creasing over whatever useless thought he was having. "We talked about this before Adam. You know what it's been like-

"It's not the same anymore. Why can't you realize this? She's all grown up now. She knows perfectly well what happened. She knows exactly how it makes her feel and she's learned -better than any of us- to deal with it in a healthy way. She's been in therapy which is not something you or I could say. Prim is strong, and waiting. If only you can get over yourself and talk to her."

"What if I'm the problem- I... I'm not the brother she knew any more." He swallowed thickly, his words hanging heavy in the air. Liam never really laid his heart bare. He never talked about how he felt or elaborated on his fears and doubts. So this was... a big thing for him to admit. "What if she decides she's better off without... I didn't move on. You know I didn't. I-

"Neither have I, Liam. Not fully." I sighed, running a hand back. "Perhaps it's you and I who need to get checked in to St. Honors Clinic."

He didn't say anything, clearly still overthinking what he'd just admitted.

"Those thoughts, they're just in your head. Prim truly does not care. Do you think it's been easy for me to get back in her good books? But part of me feels like she'd made it difficult on purpose, to give me a chance to feel like I'm working for her forgiveness, to assuage my guilt." I shook my head at him when he looked up at me. "If you think she'd turn you away, the only person who stayed by her side when her world was turned upside down then you're sorely mistaken."