Interested in traveling and discovering all kinds of cultures and places, Caleb decides to go on an exchange program to Beirut and spend a semester there. He directly surrounds himself with both international students and citizens. A short while int...
"I just..." She shakes her head. "I just sometimes hate the world we live in."
I stop walking next to the coffee shop and Mariam orders both of us some.
She looks at me and can tell from my face that I need more.
"It's just that sometimes the world forces you to act in a way that is not you. That is purely evil and bad. And I hate it."
"The world does not force you to act in a certain way. You choose how to act."
"Spoken like a western person."
"Now that's racist."
"No. It's the truth. I wish we had the luxury of acting the way we truly want. But we don't."
"Why?"
"You see all the kids beggars around all the time? You think you are helping them when you give them money. But you're not."
The man hands us our coffees which I pay for and Mariam takes. She then moves to the wooden benches inside the shop. Very casual, very nice.
"Most of these kids are run by organizations. There is usually someone responsible for them. They bring him all the money and he in return allows them a place to sleep. They probably barely have a space to sleep. They probably are not even fed. They might not have enough blankets and no one will ever know. They are most probably beaten if they do not give him enough money by the end of the day. Can you imagine?"
I shake my head. Mariam is drawing a frightening picture in my mind and that is all I can see.
"So in general, it is best if you give your money to organizations you trust. Not those too famous. Or, in my case, if you give them something other than money that you know has higher chance of actually helping the kid. Like a jacket or a sandwich."
"I see."
"When I passed that old man," Mariam's voice trembles just a little. She is letting a soft side of her out and I am enjoying it. "I felt so bad to have gotten used to not giving things away on the street. And I kept thinking, here is a man older than my father who is selling gum on the street. And I did not even stop to buy some from him."
"Well, you went back."
"Yeah." She nods. "But I could have not. And it makes me think of the world we live in and how it changes you. Turns you to a person you do not want to be."
"I still think you have a choice. You decided to go back afterall."
"I don't do that everytime. I am not fully clean of the, you know, dirt around me."
"You acknowledge it and you try to act differently. I think that says a lot."
She nods. "But I don't think it will be ever be enough."
"So you keep seeking perfection forever. The way you told me you do."
Mariam lifts her head from her coffee cup and smiles at me, happy that I am keeping track of our conversations. I can tell.
I smile back.
And something sparkles around us. I don't know if Mariam felt it too. But I can tell it will make me stay up a little bit longer when I go to bed tonight.
——— Author's note:
Jeita Lower Grotto:
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Jeita Upper Grotto:
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Bliss street coffee place (Latte Art):
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