To My Future Cheating Husband

LVIII. Heavy Rain

"You knew, and you never-" I take a few blinks to control the water that desperately wants to leave, "Why didn't you tell me?" My voice cracked.

His eyebrows furrow, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't I warn you?"

I scoffed lightly at his words, "You mean that ambiguous nonsensical - you should break up with him - is a warning?"

"Yes!"

"What-" I hold my hand against my head to settle the pain. "What-"

"Then, what do you want me to say?" Seth responded.

Did I expect empathy when I knocked against the Seth's door?

No.

But, I didn't think he would be this brutal.

"Maybe, give me a more obvious explanation?"

"Should I have said: You should break up with Eli because that boy has no future?"

I suck in a deep breath. There's a part of me that desperately wants to leave but my weak legs won't let me. I tried my best to figure out a rebuttal, but I can't seem to find one.

"Should I have said: Eli is going to die, and there is nothing you can do to change it."

The tears that should've long dried up re-appeared. I ran my arm across my face and looked away. Seth grabbed my arms and forced my body to turn towards him. "Ava."

I shake my head, "No."

"Ava. Look at me."

I shake my head harder, "No." The light protests quickly spiral into an uncontrollable loss. "No. No. No!" The harder Seth held me, the more I protested. Incoherent words left my dried lips, and I hit Seth's chest. "No. No!"

Seth pulled me close to his chest while I continued my struggles, "Hey. It'll be okay."

"No. No." My legs lost their strength, and Seth followed my movements to the cement ground. He holds onto me tightly, using every word that comes across his mind to soothe me.

I couldn't go home with swollen teary eyes, so Seth guided me into his bedroom. I don't know how long I laid on his bed, but I could hear his parents downstairs. They're probably having dinner right now.

The door pushed open, and a source of light entered and then disappeared.

A chair settled beside the bed.

"How are you feeling?" Seth asked.

If I'm honest with my feeling, than it's nothing more than a privileged girl crying about her loss. Others would find it understandable - you're sad about your boyfriend is near death. But, above that the thought of how unfair the world is to me is what made me feel even more sad.

Thoughts such as:

Why me?

Why can't I have happiness?

Eli is supposed to be my happiness.

He is supposed to be my foolish young love.

How ugly.

How selfish until the end.

And with each of these ugly selfish thoughts appearing, the more I wished I never came back.

Why couldn't I die?

Seth touches my arm, "I should've told you. I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you?" I asked.

He removed his hand, "It was hard," he whispered, "You've been searching for someone who can make you happy for so long."

If I was in the right of mind, I would've questioned how he knew that. But right now, all I want is silence. I wanted the silence to drown me.