The War General

42

Eventually my mother left me alone because she knew I wasn't going to crack and talk to her. Leon came in soon after, asking me the same couple of questions I had been getting from everyone. Thought it was because they cared it was driving me crazy that they didn't understand that those questions were doing more harm than good. They were killing me inside.

I sigh readjusting my tie for the tenth time today. "You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine Leon."

"You're not fine Juko." Leon shakes his head, lips pull downwards into a frown. "When was the last time you actually ate or gotten eight hours of sleep."

"Again, you don't need to worry about me, I have too much going on to be wasting time eating or sleeping."

"I understand, I just want you mentally good before tonight."

"I'm getting there." I wasn't.

"Have you mourned for her?"

I tear my eyes away from Leon, I didn't want to have this conversation. It always seemed to leave me defeated and irritable. "Not yet."

"The longer you let it bottle up the worse the feeling will become." Leon comes over to me and places a hand on my shoulder giving if a light squeeze. "She wouldn't have wanted this... to see you like this."

"I can't help it."

"Look I know you aren't ready to talk about it but whenever you're ready you know I'll be there for you. You're my brother and I hate seeing you like this."

"It's hard... knowing that she's gone and that it's all my fault."

"It isn't, you did everything you could have possibly done." Leon says.

"Maybe if I had shown up earlier and went by myself or...."

Leon cuts me off, "then you both would have died and the kids would have no one." His reply is curt and straight to the point.

"You don't understand." I pick up my half full glass of whiskey and down the rest enjoying the burning sensation that travels down my throat. "I just wish there was something else I could have done you know? Ivy had a hard life and I didn't make it any better." I admit solemnly. "I let my emotions get the best of me. I could have given her more, been there for her more instead I feel like I was apart of the group of people keeping her back against a wall. She deserved better." I look up at the sky holding back my tears because thinking back on everything leading up to her death made me coil inside. "She died in my fucking arms Leon."

"But the dragons said..."

"It's a slim to none chance." I grunt filling my glass up with from whiskey to throw back again.

Leon rubs his stubble his brows still pressed downwards into a frown like he was trying to find the right words to console me. "Try to think of the good times you had. The things that had made her genuinely happy, made you happy, even if it's small. You'll be surprised by what you find and hell maybe it just might help you mourn a little better."

I swallow back the bile fighting to rise from the depths of my throat. "We have to go." I say clearing my throat and sitting my glass down.

Leon nods his head and together we head out my office towards the entrance of the castle.

There I see Uri, belly swollen slightly hunched over fixing Elliot's shirt. Eden and Akeno stood off to the side holding hands with their faces down turned.

I wasn't sure if they fully understood what was going on or if they understood that their mother wasn't coming back. That she was gone and there was nothing else I could do.