WINNER FANFIC COMPILATION

It Hurts (SongKim/MinYoon)

"I love you."

Your eyes were expecting, I was sure they were. But how can I give you back your words when I wasn't feeling them like you do? "Why?"

Disappointment didn't only pass in your eyes. I could see that it stayed there. "What do you mean by why?"

"Why are you saying that to me?"

Your eyes left mine. My eyes didn't so I saw the tears that fell from yours. "I love you, hyung. I love you. I am in love with you."

But those didn't answer my question. "I'm sorry." And I hope you understood.

You nodded a bit. "Guess I'm a fool, huh. I thought you feel the same."

That brought a pinch in my chest, not because your thought wasn't true but because I may have said or done some things that made you think of that. "Mino, I'm--"

You shook your head this time. "No, hyung. Instead of apologizing, just forget I said anything. You can do that, right?"

Your eyes were expecting again, but the disappointment was still there. I nodded, it was the only thing I can do anyway, right?

***

Forget you said anything.

It was so much more easier to think about that than to do it. I cannot forget. No matter how hard I try. It has been two years but I cannot forget. I cannot forget the pain in your eyes.

Even to this day, there were still nights where I dreamed of your confession. It stuck on my mind. It stuck on my heart.

It was a year ago when in my dream, my response had been different than what I told you. I said I love you, too. I said I feel the same. I said...

I blinked as my eyes hurt. My eyes hurt every time I see you. It felt like something's poking it whenever you're together. I don't know when. Seunghoon and I just woke up one day and you, two, are being too clingy with each other.

Your smiles. You and Seungyoon's smiles. I envy them. It could have been yours and mine. I could have been the one you're looking at right now with so much love. I know it's too late to feel this way. It's far way too late.

"Hyung..."

I looked at Seunghoon. "Yeah?"

"You're zoning out again. I'm asking you if you want to come with me tonight to play futsal."

"Jinwoo hyung said he's tired. You should just let him rest, hyung," you told him.

It made me clench my fist. I hope you stop doing that. I hope you stop showing you care for me, instead of making me fall for you deeper. Or maybe this is your way to revenge.

"Then should we hang out upstairs later to let hyung rest?" Seungyoon asked you.

You looked at me. "Will you be alright alone?"

There was a lump in my throat so I don't trust my voice to speak well. I nodded, despite not wanting to. I don't deserve your attention. No, it's more like. I don't have any rights to your attention.

"You sure, hyung?"

I nodded again. "I'm going to my room and sleep." I didn't wait for any response. I walked to my room quietly, closed the door quietly, lay down on my bed quietly, and let the tears fall quietly.

***

I stopped drinking.

I know I get wild when I'm drunk, and I speak my mind, and I do things I shouldn't. So I stopped drinking and told everyone it is for my health. But it's because of you.

If I get drunk, I might tell you. That's what I thought.

That's what I thought...

I am sobber, and sure of that. You are in the dining room, sitting on the floor, watching Jhonny eat.

I sat beside you.

"Hey, hyung."

"Hey."

"Where's Rei and Bei?"

"In my room, sleeping."

"Do you wanna eat? I can microwave the food for you. Seungyoon's mom brought us some earlier. You were still sleeping and she didn't wanna wake you up."

I nodded. I knew she came. I knew she gave us food. I was awake, but can't come out of my room.

"Mino..."

"Yeah?" You looked at me. "Something wrong?"

"Mino..." My eyes get watery. It's too painful. It is like that when you make your eyes cry even though it's already tired.

Creases appeared on your forehead. You frowned. "What's wrong, hyung?"

"I can't forget." The water poured. "I can't forget, Mino. I tried. Believe me, I tried. But I can't forget what you told me."

"What? What do you mean?"

Your cluelessness further broke my already broken heart.

I dared touch your face. I dared held your cheek. "Kiss me."

Your eyes widened, and you quickly stood up. "Hyung, go back to your room. You're tired and... And sick. You need to rest, you need to sleep."

I sobbed. I cannot help but sob. My tears fell more, too much. "You said you love me." My voice broke. "You said you love me, Mino." I sound disgusting. It's so desperate, it's disgusting.

"Hyung..."

I stood up. "I love you, Mino. Can't you love me again? Can't it be me again? Can't it be us?"

"Hyung, please don't do this. You know I have Seungyoon now."

I sobbed again. Of course, I know.

You stood awkwardly in front of me, and watched me cry awkwardly.

I wiped my cheeks after I'm done. "I'm sorry. Forget I said anything, okay?" I smiled despite my red eyes, my painful eyes, my still tearful eyes.

You nodded.

I nodded too. "I'll..."

"I have to go somewhere."

I nodded. "Okay. Take care, Mino."

I'll be fine. Just not now. Definitely not now.