i wonder if anyone would notice if i died
if i killed myself
what would they think of me?
would they be disappointed?
would they be sad?
how would they remember me?
what would they say about me?
would they even care?
i think about committing suicide
i think about how nothing matters and how i have nothing left to give
i think about who would remember me
who thinks i made a difference
who thinks i deserve to live
deserve to die
i think about how i could just slit my wrists and let myself bleed out
i think about how i could hang myself and watch the world fade away
i think about how i could wait on the road until a car crushes every bone in my body and my heart stops beating
stops trying to keep my weak body and my weak mind alive
finally lets me be at peace
but this body keeps fighting and i keep fighting
for nothing
for nobody
i have nothing
nobody left
i want to kill myself
i want to end it all
i want to stan myself
i want to hang myself
i want to be hit by a bus or a car or a train
i want to see the pain in my mother and my fathers eyes
when they realize i'm gone forever
and they'll be sad and regret the way they treated me
the way they spoke to me
the way they abused me
i want to see the tears roll down their cheeks
i want to hurt them too
i want them to feel the pain i've been feeling my whole life
i want to see them gasping for air like how i will when i hang myself
when i drown myself
when i finally give into this depression that consumes me
i want to see the darkness surround me
i want to hear the ringing
i want to feel my blood run cold
and my eyes pop out of my skull
my organs shutting down and my body going limp
i want to see my parents see my limp body hanging from the ceiling
i want my "friends" to regret everything they said to me
i want those motherfuckers to miss me
i want them to feel the pain i was in these long long seventeen years i've been living
i want to see my parents, my peers, my teachers in pain
i want revenge
i hate the way the world has treated me
i hate myself
i hate everyone
i want to end it all
