Unrequited love

Seventy-two || Lilah

Not saying anything I immediately worry that he heard me because I may as well go if he had. He'd already know why I'm here then.

'I couldn't exactly hear you but I came out when I saw that you where about to leave,' he shrugs it off. 'I thought you'd knock eventually but it didn't seem like you would.'

'Uh.' I already know that I'm flushed. This isn't the most comfortable situations to be in, if anything I probably look crazy.

'Come,' he directs me to follow him so we aren't standing outside.

Following him to his bedroom he lets me in first before going in after. Closing the door behind him, he leans against it whilst I sit on his bed with my legs crossed.

'What was that outside?' He smiles though he seems a little confused.

He's almost a different person since I last saw him. When he came over he was distressed and confused but now he's calm. As if nothing ever happened and now I'm confused. Maybe his feelings aren't that strong and he forgot about it just like that.

Fuck, now I don't want to do this.

'Urm- I left my bag here I think? I've been looking for it everywhere since it has some stuff in it.' I avoid eye contact. Instinctively picking at my nails to distract myself, I pretend to look around the room.

'...Next time just say you wanted to hangout with me, because you usually never leave anything behind when you come over,' he laughs. 'If you do then I always make sure to return it.'

That's true.

Standing up I hold my hands behind my back. 'I'm actually here because I was thinking...'

Patiently waiting for me to give more context I think about how I'm going to phrase this. 'When I was talking with Capri I mentioned you.'

'Hmm? Why?' He crosses his arms.

'I told her about the last time we hung out and she asked me why I rejected you if I liked you and I told her about Colton.' I pinch at my fingers. 'We then proceeded with the session and after some time she asked me if my decision made me happy since I mentioned how it would be better for me. I was confused and she explained how I spent almost the whole session talking about you. I didn't respond, I think I actually changed the topic.'

Startled by my statement he pokes the inside of my cheek before readjusting his position. He's embarrassed and I can tell.

'Oh! Well...okay.' I wouldn't know what to say either if I was in his position. 'So?'

'So I thought about it.' I blink. 'And it didn't make me happy. If anything it hurt me more because, like she had told me, I kept holding onto things that upset me. I decided to stay friends with Colton and when I told her she told me how it's not worth it. There are billions of people in the world so there's no reason to try and make amends with one person if they ruined you.'

'She's right.' He agrees so quickly it surprises me since he hadn't said much when I told him before.

'Yeah I know that now,' I nod. 'She said what I should be doing is refocusing or finding people who I can trust and that will genuinely make me happier. I shouldn't waste my energy fixing people so I don't think I'm going to talk to Colton anymore.'

'Sounds like a good therapist, she seems willing to listen...Hold on. I'll be back I just need to grab my-,' he misunderstands why I'm telling him this. I'm not just trying to start up a conversation.

'No wait.' I quickly rush over to him so I can grab his hand before he opens the door to leave. If he leaves now I know that I'll chicken out and not tell him.

'I'm trying to tell you that I want to try being with you. If I keep wallowing it'll only make me feel shittier.' I take a deep breath. 'I need to allow myself to be happy and suppressing my own feelings isn't how I want to do it.'

He doesn't give me any sort of reaction. Looking at my blankly I panic so I let go of his hand so I can make an attempt to move away from him to give him space. Maybe he doesn't want to hear it. God I should've just stayed home.

Before I can actually do so he tugs at my wrist the moment I let go. Gasping when he pulls me closer to him. He's quick to lean down to kiss me. Using his hand he pivots me around so my back is against the door instead of his.

I kiss him back. Placing my hands on his shoulders he eventually pulls away. Not to breath but to laugh under his breath.

'I'm such a dick, I'm so sorry.' He rubs his face with his palms. 'I shouldn't have been ignoring you like that. I don't want you to do anything just because it's what I want.'

'It's okay I get it. I'm also not doing anything I don't want to' There where moments where I couldn't bring myself to even look at Colton so I understand. It upset me at first, when Alex stopped replying but I understood that he just needed time.

'Thank you, but let's just stay friends for a bit until I'm sure that you're truly okay.' He leans his forehead onto mine and I suddenly feel that peaceful feeling that comes when I'm around him.

I missed it.