SIMPHIWE SHANDU THE HUSBAND

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I couldn’t wait any longer. I slept with one eye open. Arriving home, I decided to help Nozi take a warm bath. I was already outside the hospital ready for her in the morning. I couldn’t wait any longer. The clock kept on ticking at a slow pace annoying me. 
“Still not talking to me?” I ask, smiling sitting next to her. She shyly smiles and looks on the side. Shes afraid to talk – if she tries, she just coughs and that is not needed at the moment. 
“No.” that was in a very low voice turning me on. I look at my bulge and smile, this woman just turns me on with her melodic voice.
“Would you like anything?” I ask. 
“Macaroni and peanut butter.” The abhorrent in me. I feel my whole-body revolting. I don’t want to comment on anything because this girl can go gaga crazy on me.

I cooked what was required of me. Here she is eating what she requested. She still eats small amounts of food. 
“Are you enjoying that?” I ask. 
“Wanna taste?” 
“Hell no!” I shift away from here. Woman can be the weirdest creatures ever. I look at her then the tape plays. It was a bitter sweet moment for me, it was fun. I would have quickies with her in any part of the world. My phone rings and it’s the police station. I feel my heart dropping - I don't know what to expect.
“Halo.” I answer. 
“Mr Jele, I would like to advise you that the culprit has been arrested and some lady came forward with the rape case making your case even stronger. He has been imprisoned for 5 years.” Music to my ears. That was the quick one. How did they manage to pull this one so fast? They did not waste any time and resource.  For the first time I am pleased for the justice being served by South African Police. I turned to look at Nozi who was looking back at me. 
“He has been arrested. He is never coming near you, again.” I say pulling her into my arms. I have a strong desire for this relationship to be permanent. I just want to show her that as much as I desire her and may think that she is the only road to happiness, well it is true. Life happens. Hurt happens. Someday, somewhere, it’s going to happen in some form. And ruminating and fretting over how to prevent it is more than likely to increase the odds of it happening soon. But this woman right here brings out the best in me. 
“You know that I love you, right?”
“Yes.” 
“Just keep that in mind. Eat up so that I can prepare you for bed.” I say. We are already in bed. The love language is making me see otherwise. 

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She is shaking and talking in her sleep again. Fighting me with her last energy.
“Babe, wake up.” I shake. She cries louder, making me scared. What if this trauma affects her all her life? I pull her to make her sleep on my chest. I held her tight with my arms around her. 
“Shhh, ikhona indoda babe.” I feel her tense body calming down. She is relaxing – still with her eyes closed.
“I love you mamazi.” I kiss her forehead. I am used to talking to myself these days and I am not complaining. The fact that she is here with me safe and sound makes me relieved and very happy. She is asleep again. I know she will have another dream later on. I am not sure whether to sign her up for counselling or to let her heal on her own. I don't want to put any pressure on her, whatever she wants I will support but seeing her this hurt in her sleep fully knowing that I will not be able to help or even pull her out of it, hurts the most. A person can take a certain amount of pain but the pain that is being jilted on her is beyond painful.

BAGQIBILE

Finally managed to find a bedroom to rent. Nothing hectic – just a room that can sustain me until I can be able to get back on my feet. I left home with a heavy heart with my mother weeping nonstop. I had no other choice but to move out. An honest truth, if my sisters' kids are around, I intend to feel the inner jealous screaming on top of the silent lungs. I don't trust myself and my instincts, that is why I am always an angry person. I constantly try to justify myself to others for the wrong doings. I tend to compare myself to others and sometimes feel ashamed of my imperfections. I don't stand up for my needs at times and let others walk over me. This is the same thing that has been happening to Simphiwe. He has walked over me for far too long and I just find it hard to detach myself away from him. I unblocked him on Facebook and I am here stalking him. If I knew how desperate I was going to be, I wouldn’t have fallen for him in the first place. Let alone a married man. I sigh deeply. Looking at his updates - this shows that he is now leaving with his kid's full time, he also updated his profile picture adding the stupid wife to the equation. I heard that they are in the process of getting a divorce. This is all my tears - I knew that God would have never forsaken me. His karma is dealing with him the exact same way I have prolonged all along. I look at the sleeping Sizile. She has been down for some days and I am thankful for that. This means I will get to sleep at night and just dream about my knight and shinning amor. In two weeks', time I will be back to work and I don’t see myself working in the same hospital as Simphiwe. I applied for a transfer but it was declined. That stupid matron told me how short stuffed the hospital is – as if it will not function without me. My phone rings and it's my sister. I let it ring until it cuts off. She calls again, honestly, I am annoyed by her sudden call, can't I be left alone!
“Yebo.”
“Awu, is this now the way of greeting your older sister?” she asks, making me role my eyes as if I care. 
“What do you want?” I ask.
“Wow, erm okay. Never mind.” she drops the line.
“Mxm,” she thinks that the world revolves around her? Like seriously. She can jump off the cliff for all I care. I have bigger issues to deal with. Tiny movements on the bed, as I was about to sleep this happens. Can't I just have peace – just for once? This baby can't have an episode at this time of the night with us alone without my mother. What do I do again? I feel my eyes getting watery. I can't take this anymore. It hurts that I hate that my daughter is in pain and I can't take the pain away from her. I can't fix all my problems! I wish I could wrap my words around her to calm her when the pain feels too raw and can't catch her breath. I thought that maybe moving out of my parents' house would be a better option – here I am with a sick child again. I have come to the end of the road. No amount of hurt can express the feeling and hurt I am in.