SIMPHIWE SHANDU THE HUSBAND

SIMPHIWE

“I swear I didn’t rape her!” I snapped looking at the officer Infront me. They can record all they want. If I did not do it, I did not do it. What more do they want from me?
“Still not willing to talk?” he asks with a smirk on his face. I sigh - I am exhausted, hurting and breaking inside. I've tried making numerous requests to make a call to my wife but I've been denied that opportunity.
“Someone is here to see you.” he says making me to lift my eyes to face him.
“Who?” for the past week no one has bothered to come see me. I wonder if Nozi informed my family or not. Are my kids okay? Is she okay?
“Stand up.” he instructs. I have been in this investigation room for some time – hours being asked the same question over and over again. I stand up with cuffs crowing my hands. Everything in me hurts. I have been having sleepless nights, nightmares. These days have not been pleasant at all. I've been beaten black and blue…
“Move faster I don’t have all day.” the officer pushes be from behind. I almost trip but I balance myself before I could even land on the ground. I find Nozi sitting in the chair with her bag held tightly against her chest. I smile seating opposite her and I just wish I could just cry onto her chest.
“Babe, you finally came.” My voice is painful. They say men don’t cry but I cannot function without this woman.
“Simphiwe, what happened?” I swallow. I knew that one way or another she would request answers.
“I didn’t do it.” I say with tears, threatening to come out.
“I asked you a question as to what happened?” she asked again with her gaze fixed on me. I swallow hard not knowing how and what to respond. Must I open up and be honest? If I lie again, I will lose her forever. I leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. It hurts. I lower my head again and look at her.
“I came back home and asked V where were you. She answered and said she hasn’t seen you. I was hurt that I pushed you to the limit. That I have hurt you more than anything. I locked myself in my – our bedroom. I then read the letter, overdosed on painkillers then I drank my whiskey. I started feeling drowsy then I went to the guestroom. She was on the bed and me thinking it was you, I then get on top of the bed.”
“For how long are you willing to hurt me?”
“I have stopped. I promise. I have learnt my lesson.”
“Simphiwe, I loved you and worshiped the ground you walked on. I still love you but love alone sometimes is not enough.” she says wiping the tears off her face. She is mortified and it's all because of me.
“How can I take the pain away? How can I wipe the tears you’ve shed because of me. I am willing to do anything at this moment.” I am desperate. Whatever she puts out, I will agree with it. I can't let her slip right through my fingers.
“Please, free me. Let me be happy with the man that makes me happy. Can you do that for me?” Her stare is sending bubbles in my stomach. I cannot possibly stomach what she has just told me and I don’t think I will.
“W… what do y… you mean?” I stutter asking her. She can't be possibly asking to be with another man while still married to me.
“Can I be with the man that loves me? I love him too.” I blink multiple times and go mute for a second hoping she will spit ‘I am joking’ but she doesn’t.
“Nozi, what are you on about?” I ask.
“The day you said you are going home for some shit. Where were you? I want nothing but the truth.” I close my eyes sharply.
“I was at home, I told you about the situation.” I respond failing to even look at her. She smiles and digs for something in her bag. She comes back with a receipt and places it on the table. My heart skips a beat and my throat becomes dry instantly.
“I can explain.”
“It's okay, I know that you were with someone that whole weekend because I was also out with someone. Simphiwe I really want out of this marriage. It has drained me a lot and it's tiring. Kumanje your family doesn’t want to take your kinds and I am suffering.” I feel my ears buzz.
“What do you mean when you say you were with someone?” I asked out of shock. She takes a deep look at me.
“I am in love with someone else.” I feel my heart pumping. I know when she is talking from the heart and I know when she is faking.
“Nozi…” I don’t know what to do or say. I just feel numb and confused! Immediately my whole system ft my heart. I collapsed after my heart failed to accept such news. Feeling foggy and numb is my body's way of blocking out something terrible while my brain gets up to speed on such a big change. It's kind of like my body pressing its own emotional pause button so I can survive the day. It comes and goes, but eventually passes. The pain starts all over again. I can't feel the sadness of an important loss or the aggravations that used to make me scream. I'm lying on my back with tears streaming out the corner of my eyes. My heart feels heavy. Have I pushed her to the extent that she no longer values our marriage? I cannot blame her at all. This is all about Zakithi appme. I did this on myself. I brough shame upon me and her. She would have still been here if it wasn’t for the ways I behaved. 
“Is it that bad?” The man I'm with in the holding cells asks.
“Beyond bad. It's damaged but I don't have anyone to blame but myself.”
“Then free her and let her find happiness. Let her experience what you failed to give.” I can't let her go. She is all I've known in my heart and loved.
“It's not easy.”
“Ay nani nokufeba nishadile.” he shakes his head and chucks.
“I regret every action. I have so many questions for her and I am not even sure of the answers if it's something I want to hear.”
“I can't advise you on anything ntwana. Kumoshakele. What I can say is – move on with your life.” This stupid person is not helping at all. All I want is for him to be sympathetic towards my situation. I believe Nozi has moved on. No way in hell a sane woman would love and give a cheating man a second chance. The gates click open forcing our heads to look in that direction. Maybe it's one of those again with troubles that they bring to South Africa.
“Shandu!” my surname rambled across the room making my heart drop to the stomach.
“Y… yes.” I stutter afraid of the unknown.
“You are free to go.” The police opened the gate wider. My ears buzz with his words repeating over and over again in my eardrum.
“Huh?”
“I said you are free to go. The charges laid against you have been dropped.” he says. “Come I do not have all day.” I waste no time and hurry my legs towards the gate. How? Why?
“Did you guys finally see the light that I was innocent in all the lies labelled against me?” They handed me my belongings. No one pays attention to me. I am just talking to myself. Non the less, I am happy to be a free man.
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These stupid corrupt cops were kind enough to drop me home at my parents' house. These are the people I wanted to see first before anything. Nozi? I don’t know. I don’t even know what to feel about her.
“They let you out?” my father asks unbothered. I sigh, not knowing how to respond.
“I was innocent of the accusations.” I defend myself. No one is reasoning with me at the moment. The most important factor is that I have been released.
“I see. What about your wife?”
“What about her?” I ask with my eyebrows furrowed.
“She was here earlier on and told us that you two are divorcing.” my father spit – like something casual to talk about.
“I didn’t agree to it.” The source of pain knowing that you get to experience love once in this country. He chucks making me shift uncomfortably.
“We all make mistakes and we learn from it. I know I ruined her heart but we will pull through.” I trust my gut and my heart to do right by this woman. What will my life, kids be without the woman called Nozi.
“Keep on telling yourself that. That woman is long gone. No sign of love is evident in her eyes.” My father should be supporting me but he is here dancing on top of my pain. Is he even my real father.
“Do you even feel any ounce of sympathy for me?” I ask. I am hurt by his words. I was hoping for encouragement and not disappointment.
“I warned you countless times son. I knew that this hid and seek of yours would end badly.”
“And you believe marrying a woman behind my mother's back was the best decision to take. You making her a vegetable was the best decision for you? I came here in hopes of you – as my father to lead me to the right astray and advise me on how to fix my life MY marriage. I came here because I was hoping for peace.” tears, bloody tears!
“I'm sorry son. It's your mother's health that’s hurting me – my mind is all over the place; I've taken everything to heart.” his lame apology which I do not accept. I will just lock myself in my bedroom and drown my sorrows away.