Dark As Night

Help

August/22

I was never alone as a child. I was always surrounded by friends who cared for me and loved me. My family was always there for me and would make my life incredibly joyous. But as the years have passed, it's all spiralled out of control...

I started to get involved with drugs at a shockingly young age. I was probably about 12 years old. Back then it was considered 'cool' to smoke weed day in and day out, but in actual fact it does nothing but fuck your brain cells inside out... then later on I ended up injecting substances...

Even though my parents would tell me horror stories about how disgusting and life-ruining those kind of things are... boy, were they right.

I've always been a laidback person, fun to get along with and just an all-round happy-go-lucky type guy. It's how I met my girlfriend, I've never been one to own good looks, so she must've fallen for my personality.

Being laidback is probably the best and worst thing a person can be. It's great because you hardly find yourself meeting with troubles in daily life. But also, that individual will struggle with meeting deadlines and overcoming tasks...That's why she left me... she said I was 'too lazy'... "Why don't you get a real job" she said... But who's gonna employ an injecting, laidback fuck up with no hope in hell at succeeding in life?!

Being alone is so... destructive... it fucks your brain up just like weed does, believe me.

I can't stand it anymore... the silence... the antisocialism... the psychological torment.

I need help.

August/23

Writing my thoughts about my life have really helped me, it clears the mind. But it doesn't clear the problems.

Recently I've been having these dreams... well... nightmares.

They are from my past.

I had one a few days ago about my childhood; I remember playing on the swings with my friends, the cool summer breeze ruffling my hair and the sounds of ice cream vans pulling up at the nearest road. Life was so simple back then, no girl problems, no drug problems... no life problems.

But during the dream, I get the sense that someone... or something... is watching me. I never recall having that feeling as a child. But then again, dreams are never 100% linked with true life experiences.

It felt so real. That's why I consider it a nightmare.

Even when I write this entry, I get that feeling. It's probably just a bad trip from that strange stuff I injected earlier. It'll wear off eventu-..... *sigh*

...I still need help.

August/24

I had another nightmare last night. I was older than the last one.

It was during my early teen years. Back when I was a straight A student and my parents were proud of me.

It feels strange to say that my parents were proud of me... I can never remember that moment in my life.

During the nightmare, a shadowed figure is standing in front of me, but I don't react.

I try to get a look at its face, but it's completely dark.

He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a bag... the bag contains weed, needles... and every other substance I have taken in my life. As my teenage self goes out to accept the bag, the shadowed figure shouts "NO!" and I felt a large blow to my chest... and that's when I wake up.