After Her Love

22. The only way

"She's so lovely.. But yeah. I'm.. I'm trying to hang in there somehow... My phone is full of messages I don't want, or dare to read so.. I dunno.. I just called my boss at the youth center." I sighed and leaned against the wall. Robyn looked at me, worried, and helped Sophia out from the carriage. Rilla was there immediately sniffing the little girl and she was getting so much attention from Sophia.

"Have you reported him?"

"To the police?" I asked just to be sure. Robyn nodded and went to put Sophia's food into the fridge. I followed her to the kitchen and Sophia and Rilla both followed us there.

"No I haven't.. I know I should but I don't want to relive all of those memories again, or see him again... I just want this to end and forget it even happened.."

Robyn sighed and sat on the chair. I went to make us some coffee and while the liquid was running into the mugs, I took the cupcakes out from the fridge and put them on the table. To be honest, I didn't even want to talk about it anymore. It felt easier to just ignore the fact that I even had a phone and Rauli was somewhere out there. My mind was already creating some escape routes and I was ready to just jump on a plane and never return. I felt like I needed to go somewhere and be away from this city, from all the people I knew, to really know who I really was because I had lost myself into someone who did not deserve even a half of me.

"What are you going to do then?" Robyn asked after I had given her the coffee. I took mine as well and sat behind the table.

"First, I need to quit the bar but I'm not ready to do that.. I love the people there.. They're like.. The only ones I could have a real conversation with because Rauli prohibited me to spend time with a lot of people outside the work so.. "

I hated it when it all started. First he didn't really mind who I was spending time with but then he started to control me more and more, until I had to say no to a lot of people. The only one I could spend time with was Susanne and now I know the reason. He knew she would never believe me if I told her what was going on. What if I wasn't even the first one he treats like this?

"But I can't go there because it will be the first place Rauli will come to look for me.. " I tapped the mug while looking down into it. It was just as dark as my life had been the past years and suddenly I wasn't willing to drink it because it felt like I would be drinking all the bad memories back inside of me, so I just pushed the mug away.

"You know... " Robyn started and quickly checked what Sophia was doing. She was busy with some of her toys that Robyn had taken with, so looks like she was ok for now.

"I was something like... 17, I guess.. When I was in a relationship with one guy who.. Who was also a little violent every now and then.. I was a virgin that time, too... And he was trying hard to get me into bed... One night we got into a fight again. He wanted to sleep with me but I wasn't that into him.. You know.. It's always been Joel for me and I knew if I ever wanted to go that far, it would happen with Joel.. So, he knew that I have had this weird relationship with Joel since we were kids so.. He started to call me names, pinned me on the bed and tried to.. You know.. That wasn't even the first time he did that. He would try to get his way but I managed to fight against him... What I want to say is that.. I know how it feels when you're helpless... That time Joel helped me out of it.. And now, we're gonna help you out of that... "

I didn't know what to say but after hearing that I understood even better why things with Aleksi and Robyn did not work out. There was so much history between them, they shared so much. He was her safeplace. I had no one like that and I have never had.

"So is there anything I can do?" Robyn then continued but I did not know what to say. She cannot quit my job, that is something I had to do.

"I don't know.. There was only one person I thought would sort of help me out of this but now she has turned her back at me so.. " I took my phone and put it on the table. There were some new messages as well and I had the urge to read them, but I knew it would not help me to get over it.