Love Me | MarkNoHyuckMin

chapter fifty four

"Okay."

Jeno takes a deep breath and glances at Mark before saying, "You scare me."

Confusion fills Mark. "I scare you? How?"

"You're perfect to me."

What?

"What?"

"Ever since I've met you, I've never found one reason as to why someone would dislike you. Every reason—no—every excuse was made up in my own mind because when I think of you, I can only ever think of good things. I know it seems like I was only scared of losing Chenle to you but I'm always scared of getting close to people and losing them. I'm afraid people will get to know me and they won't love me. And with you, it's different because I'm not even close to how wonderful you are. You're friendly, considerate, funny, helpful, caring, adorable, talented, expressive, and so many other things. I stopped being friendly to people and am even rude. Sometimes, even my attempts at being funny just end up as me being mean. I don't know how to express my emotions well, especially if they're positive and I made you feel bad about that when there's nothing wrong with it. If someone had to choose between us, I'd hope they choose you. I'm afraid that you won't choose me. None of this makes how I treated you right and I understand that, so you shouldn't like me. I'm really sorry."

"Do you think there's not good things about you?"

"What?"

"Do you think I knew all of that? Or just blindly believe that?" Jeno stays quiet so Mark shakes his head. "You see me like I'm so wonderful and I love compliments as much as the next person but I don't even understand how you think all of that. I don't see myself the way you see me." Mark chuckles without humor. "I see you the way you see me."

Jeno's eyes widen. "What?"

"Are you not aware of how much Chenle loves you? How much Haechan likes you? How easier it is for Jisung to get along with you and how comfortable Jaemin is with you? Do you not notice these things?" When Jeno doesn't say anything, Mark continues. "As much as Lele insists he loves us equally and tries, it's you over me. It's not about knowing someone first but it's the fact that you were his best friend first and when I became his friend, he'd already had a hundred reasons why he loves you. No matter how much he cares about me, he'd put you first. And Lele told me why you're not the friendliest person, he said people took advantage of that and for your well-being, you need to be assertive. I wish I was like that."

"Huh?"

"I would let someone walk all over me 'cause I don't have it in me to be rude, even if I wish I could. I don't have the confidence to act how I want and just let people decide if they want anything to do with me. If I asked them right now, all our friends would tell me good things about you. You don't know what Doyoung says about you when you're not there but they're all good things. I've spent time around you, I can say good things. You not liking me...it hurt more because I care. Do you think I don't care how you feel you about me as well? I'm always terrified someone's not gonna love me. And it's not even just one thing. Maybe I can accept you not wanting to be friends but to care about someone, to like them with my entire being, and have them not care about me just as much or at all? I have no idea how I ended up making you feel the way you do."

"Mark, I had no idea."

"Because, for once, I tried not to be too expressive. Maybe I have more control over serious things but I can't stop myself when I'm happy or excited and I hate that. You have no idea how much I become when I like someone and it's never...it's never satisfied them. My feelings were always more than theirs and I always felt like it was me. You think I won't love you but I know that if I had an opportunity, I would love you too much. You would hate it."