After Her Love

21. Silent moments

"It doesn't even matter that Rauli lives on the other side of the city.. What if he has some kind of app installed in my phone that shows my location..?" Now I was getting really paranoid.

"Iiris... If he had it, he would have known where you spent the weekend... " Aleksi pointed out and rubbed my shoulder. True. He had no idea I wasn't at home and since I managed to lie to Susanne as well.

"Right.. Sorry... I'm just... "

"I know... But, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?" I know Aleksi was just trying to tell me that I was strong enough to finally escape the situation and it should give me more power to finally put it all behind, but the truth was that I was stuck.

"It fucks you up mentally, you know... I don't know who I can trust anymore. I can't tell my bosses the real reasons why I want to quit my job immediately... I can't tell anyone where I am because for sure someone knows Rauli or Susanne.. I am that paranoid already... "

Aleksi sighed and looked out from the window. He probably knew how scared I was but I was sure he still did not get it completely how this all is going to affect me. Or even him if things go very bad.

"Do you have any plans...?" He carefully asked.

"I dunno... Of course I always thought that when the day comes when I finally leave, I just take off and fly to another country.. Change my name and looks so Rauli would have no chances finding me, but it is just some stupid idea and I know I won't be able to really do anything like that... " Sure I had big plans I thought would work out. I had some money put aside and I had it with me here but really taking that step and leaving was always the hardest thing for me to do.

"Well.. We can start with small steps.. We're gonna play in Oulu the coming weekend.. You can come with us. I know the other girls are also coming... " Aleksi offered and honestly, it sounded like a good idea. Getting away from Helsinki was always a good idea.

"And I would feel more comfortable if you're with us and not here alone..." He continued and I slowly looked at him.

"If that's ok with the others... Then yeah, I'd like that." I smiled a little. The man next to me nodded, assuring me that it was all fine if I joined them, so I agreed. But there were still several days until Friday, when we were supposed to leave.

The next morning my eyes were puffed and reddish. My head was aching a little but for that I could only blame myself, or I should actually put the blame on Rauli and Susanne as they were the reason for the drinking. I could blame myself only for not handling the situation any other way. After taking a shower and making myself look more like a decent human being, I went to the kitchen where Aleksi was already drinking his coffee.

"Morning... How did you sleep?" He asked, stood up and took another mug from the cabin. I sat on the stool and supported my head with my hands.

"Terribly.." I sighed. We went to sleep pretty late. After deciding that I will join them on Friday, we continued to talk about some random things, mostly because Aleksi tried to make me think about something else than Rauli and his sister. Sure it helped a little and I got to know Aleksi more as a person, but I knew that the moment I sober up then I have to actually call my bosses and make some other decisions too.

"Here." Aleksi handed me a coffee and then he gave me a glass of water and some painkillers.

"What a fancy breakfast.." I laughed, making him chuckle.

"The best in the World." He sat back in his place and took another sip from the coffee. There was silence between us but it didn't make me feel uncomfortable. It felt actually quite peaceful and I loved it. Comparing all those nervous silent moments I had with Rauli, this was like a paradise. I knew I did not need to worry if I said something wrong or did something he did not like. Aleksi did not judge me.