Going Nowhere ➳ C.C/L.J

six

LAUREN'S POV

"Someone help me. Oh my God!" I heard Camila scream which woke me out of the power nap I got to take.

I jolted out of the chair and went over to the bed. My hand rested on her forehead and I could feel the sweat that was drenching her. "Baby, are you okay?"

Camila frowned and sniffled before replying, "I just kept seeing the same thing over and over again. I was trying to save her and she kept getting hurt. Lauren, I want her back."

I kissed her forehead and brushed her hair back, "Me too, babe. Just try to get some sleep so we can be a little happier in the morning. Okay?"

I tried to walk away but Camila grabbed my hand to pull me back over towards her, "I'm not going to that award show tomorrow, Laur. No one is gonna make me leave this room."

I nodded and pulled her hand off of me to get her to try to relax a little while I walked back over to pick my blanket up off the floor and get back into my chair.

--

I can't stop feeling like the worst person in the world. I can't get over the fact that I had been the last person to talk to her. If she would've just stayed home like I told her, she'd be awake.

The other girls left Camila and I in the hospital room because we were expected at the iHeartRadio awards. So, someone had to show up.

I got Camila soup from the cafeteria, but she wouldn't touch it.

"Babe, you gotta eat." I told her.

She looked down at the food, "I'm not eating until she wakes up."

"Camz, do you think she'd want you to starve yourself?"

"No." She softly replied.

"Exactly. Now eat." I put a package of saltines on her tray and sat down in the chair on the other side of Y/N's bed.

I sighed out and put my head against my hand, then raked my fingers through my hair.

"You need sleep." Camila said to me after taking a bite of soup.

"Yeah, I know. I just can't sleep."

"Maybe it's because you sat there staring at Y/N all night." Camila put her hand on our girlfriend's as she took another bite.

"I can't help it." I growled. I don't like talking about my emotions so this is a shit moment for me to have to deal with.

"Can't you just admit that this is killing you just as much as the rest of us and let your guard down a little?" Camila begged.

"Camila, one of us has to be strong. Sure, this is fucking killing me and I'm not okay with it at all, but I have to sit here and watch her suffer. Just until she wakes up." I bit at her. I did that on occasion. I love Camila with my whole heart just like I love Y/N. I hurt the people I love the most and she knows that. "I need some air."

I got up and walked out of the room.

I hurried down the hall to find a staircase. I went through the door and started walking up.

Maybe I'll get far enough from my issues being up here.

I climbed all the way to the entrance door of the roof. I pulled it opened and the cool breeze hit my face.

The sun was almost down and the town was beginning to light up.

I walked over to the edge to see darkened sky. I pulled my body onto the ledge. I hate heights but I'm trying to feel another emotion that isn't sadness. Fear is the closest thing that can get it out of my head.

I sat down with my legs swinging off the edge. I put my face in my hands and started bawling.

Love causes everyone to hurt. Especially if you can't protect or take away pain from the people you love.

I want to be happy but she's a big part of my life. God, make it stop. Make the sad feelings stop. I need to be strong.

"Laur?" Someone called from behind.

I turned around to see Camila with puffy red eyes. Something happened. I know it.

I swung my feet around to go to her side, "Camila, what's wrong?"

Camila wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my shoulder, "Y/N started moving and I got really excited. So, I called the nurse in. Before I could stop it, she was spasming out of control. They wouldn't let me stay. They called the doctor and pushed me out to slam the door. I went everywhere looking for you."

I could feel my blood boil. "They pushed you out?! We have a right to be in there." I grabbed her hand and pulled her out into the staircase.

Camila stopped on the top steps, "Laur, why were on the ledge?"

I kept trying to pull her but she wouldn't budge, "I just needed some space to think."

"Were you- ya know. If I wouldn't have made it in time. Would you have-"

"Stop talking like that, Camila. I'm not gonna leave you. Not now. Not ever." I retorted at her dumb question. "I will be alive as long as you and Y/N are alive."

"You swear on my life, Lauren?" Camila asked me almost tearing up. Her emotions have been everywhere and I know it's killing her inside.

I walked back up the steps to her and wrapped my arms around her waist to look her in the eyes, "I swear on everything. I'll be here."

--

We made it back down to the room and the door was opened again. Camila and I shuffled in passing the curtain on our way.

My eyes widened seeing the girl in the bed sitting up.

"Y/N!" Camila and I said in sync.

We both rushed over to pull her into a group hug.

Except she wasn't relaxed and happy about being in our grasp. She was stiff and awkward.

We both looked at each other after we pulled away.

"Babe, do you still not feel well?" Camila asked putting her hand on top of Y/N's.

"Babe? Who are you two?" Y/N asked with wide eyes.