Collateral Damage

25

Hannah Solice was a proud woman, it was all she really had after all. Alexander forked his broccoli on his plate silently. He'd invited her to a candlelit dinner at a fine restaurant, but his demeanor put a damper on the night so much, the candle threatened to go out.

"So...how was work?" She asked.

Alexander raised his brows and smiled softly. Though he didn't particularly love her, he did care about her, and made an effort to be kind to her, a cruelty he still didn't seem to understand. In his mind, it was his comeuppance to his fathers aloofness.

"It was...work. You know. Contracts. Signing them. How was wedding planning?"

Hannah put her fork down. "I picked out the flowers. Do you want to know which ones?"

Alexander glance down at his phone and smiled. "I'm sure whatever you picked will be lovely, Hannah. You've always had such excellent taste."

Hannah cocked her head. "What flowers do you like? What food do you want? You never...you don't seem excited about the wedding at all."

Hannah watched him glance at his phone once more. When there was a business deal looming he'd have his phone out, that persons contact ready, with a summary of what he needed to say in the notes.

But now, all he had was his lock screen. He already knew what he wanted to say. He already knew what he was expecting—who and there was only one person that made him like.

"Who are you cooperating with these days?" she asked, spooning some mojo into her mouth delicately.

"A new company. They want me to pull out of the company but they have such potential," he shrugged. "I just don't want to let go, y'know. I'll be missing out on big money and you know I hate that."

Her lips twitched up and she nodded. "I know."

He patted the corner of his mouth. "I'm sorry I've been distant. This company is really important to me is all. I've been around and invested for so long. I just..."

He looked away and then grinned, reaching across the table, taking her hand. "I'm boring you, Hannah. I'm sorry. Our wedding. That's what's important."

Hannah set aside her soup. "Do you love her?"

Alexander's brows raised. He pulled away, and frowned, his gray eyes on the flame. His jaw clenched and then he nodded.

She scoffed. He didn't even have the decency to ask who? She bit her lip shaking her head. "Then what are you doing here?"

Alexander shook his head helplessly, opening his hands to the sky in the silent surrender. "I...I'm 40. I like you. You're kind and wonderful, Hannah. We get along. We're compatible. I thought I could make you happy—I thought we could be happy."

Hannah scoffed. "But you love her."

Alexander's face darkened at the mention of the word. It was such an annoyance. "Come on, Hannah. We're not kids. Love...love is a chemical okay? Love doesn't make a successful marriage. Love this, love that, it's just not important!"

He shrugged. "I mean I love a good regular shit— but I'm not gonna marry a toilet it's just—" he looked around clearing his throat, reining himself in. "It's just not that important to me."

And finally, Hannah couldn't ignore it. They would have to confront this.

"Audrey and I—"

Hannah winced at the softness with which he said her name.

"We are not compatible. We are not a fit. We just don't...match. Love can't fix that. Love doesn't fix anything. Just blurs peoples vision."

He gulped down his glass if wine, wiping his forehead.
Hannah glanced down unseeingly at the cloth table cloth.

"We have a successful relationship, Hannah. We get along, we communicate. We agree on finances, and religion, and politics. We are compatible. We can be happy. Love...I don't know about love. But I know that I can work hard. And I can do things make you happy, I can say things that make you happy—"

"But you can't mean them. With your heart. Do you know what that is?"

Alexander narrowed his eyes, and then shook his head. "What's the difference? If I act the way I always have. Bringing home irises because I know you like them. Making sure you have kind of water you like in the fridge, making sure I make the bed because you prefer it—what changes in the one word love?"

Hannah shook her head quietly. Maybe it should y change anything. But it did.

"Love is not something out of our control Hannah. I think that when I make an effort to make you happy...that should count for something. Why doesn't it count for something if it can't be attributed to love?"

Hannah stood and set her napkin down. "I don't know. Maybe you're an evolved form? Alexander. It's what you'd like to think. That you've solved a weakness in humanity. But even if that were true...if you're only one like you...if you're alone. What good is it?"

Alexander sighed and watched her walk away, sipping his wine. He was getting too old for this.

"Then I love you, Hannah. I want to make you happy. And if that will make you happy," he polished off his wine, standing. "Then I love you."

And though they both knew it wasn't true, having no one else, when he offered his hand, she took it. But the lingering doubt in her mind would not go away. His hand on her back did enough to quiet it.

At least for now.