Hidebound

Chapter FiftyFour

"What the fuck" her breath fans my ear in a disbelieving chuckle.

Our hug lasts for longer than usual as I use it as an excuse to discreetly respond to her.

"We just saw your mother" I pull back in time to see Harley's face drop and the moment of realisation fill her eyes.

Her eyes move back and forth quickly between me and the kitchen where Hex had walked to.

"I was just making funeral plans" she gulps. My own face pales as I look at the doorway of the kitchen.

I point in the direction, wondering if she had been doing it on the kitchen table and sure enough she nods.

"Shit."

Not a second later, Hex walks back into the lounge room; his face a ghostly white and his hand fisting the back of his head, tangled in his hair.

There's no doubt he saw the planning.

No one says a word as Hex takes a seat on the couch, taking it upon himself to turn the TV on.

I watch him closely, waiting for him to pass out or freak out, either one seems better than this newly composed Hex.

"Banks here?" He must have felt both of our gazes on him. His voice shakes Harley and I out of a daze as she locks the front door behind me.

"N-no, he's not. I can call him to come home, though" I want nothing more then to go over to Hex and touch him, offer him something but my gut is telling me he doesn't want to be fussed over.

"No, I'll see him around another time"  he focuses on the sport that's playing on the screen.

Seems Hex and Banks really bonded the other night.

Harley leads me into the kitchen where I see the mass amounts of papers and documents scattered from the table to magnets on the fridge. Every medical record of Wyonna's sits in plan view and separated from the funeral planning.

"Want a drink?" Harley offers as she runs a hand through her hair. She's got no make up on and is dressed in comfortable clothing. Her plans for the day had obviously been to plan the funeral when Hex and I had interrupted her.

"No thanks" I shake my head.

I move onto the kitchen table where Harley had obviously been sat before we arrived. I pick up a paper.

White lily's and pink roses.

"She planned most of her own funeral" Harley speaks quietly as she leans over my shoulder, reading the paper. "I found everything when we moved her. She wrote everything down before she couldn't remember."

I swallow the lump in my throat and place the paper down; picking up another one.

Buried - not cremated.

"It's dated back four years ago" Harley's voice cracks. "She knew".

My chin wobbles but I hold it together, my heart breaking as I remember Hex had seen it.

"It's sad but it sure made my job a lot easier since I'm doing it alone" my eyes snap to Harley as she walks around the table, the hint of resentment in her tone makes me wince.

"I-I can help-" I offer but she cuts me off.

"No, Poppy" she sighs, her palm rubbing her forehead. "This isn't your responsibility; you've done more than we could have ever asked you to" I look back down at the papers to hide the guilt on my face. I hadn't done it for Harley or Wyonna; I had done it for Hex.

I flip a few more papers over and find more instructions and wishes of Wyonna's. She had planned everything down to a tee, even what clothes she wished to be buried in.

"There's-" Harley's voice cracks again "there's letters addressed to Hex and I" she says it so quietly I almost don't hear her as the TV in the next room is loud. I have no doubt Hex has done it on purpose to drown out our voices.

Harley hands me the two letters. Each have the siblings names on the front with the writing underneath that reads; don't read until I'm gone.

The words send a shiver down my spine. Wyonna's still here but the person who wrote those words is already gone. It's almost like she's speaking from the grave while she's still alive.

"I haven't told Hex".

"Right" I clear my throat but it doesn't help to clear the tears in the backs of my eyes. "I-is Banks helping you with all of this? You shouldn't be doing it all by yourself" I ask concerned. It's a lot to take on; I know I couldn't do it alone.

"He's done as much as he can but there's only so much he can do. It's up to Hex and I but I don't think he'll be down to help. I mean, he looked like he was going to pass out earlier" I nod in agreement. He did look like he was going to pass out but I also think he would appreciate Harley wanting to involve him; even if he does say no.

"I think you should ask him" I pull out a chair and take a seat across from her. She looks at me with a face of wariness. "I mean, we never thought he would visit Wyonna and he has. Maybe his way of thinking has changed? I don't see any bad in just asking him" with each word her wariness lessens and by the end she's hesitantly nodding.

She takes one final breath as she gains her confidence and stands "okay, okay. I'll ask".

"You don't want me to do it?" I question but she's already hyped herself up and marches through the kitchen and into the lounge room.

This could go incredibly badly and I could be left stranded at Harley's house if Hex decides to take the car and disappear. But that's the least he can do, the other options include putting a hole in Harley's wall and I would feel awful if he did that, not to mention the strain it would put on the siblings relationship.

I wait to hear the sound of his boots exiting the house or the sound of the remote hitting the wall but I don't. I wish he would turn that TV down so that I can hear what Harley's saying but it remains louder then it should be.

Movement from my peripheral gains my attention as Hex enters the kitchen, Harley close behind him. If I wasn't leaning on my palm then my jaw would have fallen open and landed on the floor.

He presses a firm kiss to the crown of my head as he passes and takes up room in the seat besides me.

He avoids looking at the papers in front of him and instead stares at the wall across from him.

"Okay" Harley clears her throat. "You do these and I'll focus on this stack" she pushes a small mountain of papers across the table in Hex's direction and I watch him closely wondering if he'll look at them.

He sighs deeply and reluctantly plucks the first paper off the top. My hand finds his knee under the table as he reads through, his face getting paler as he goes on.

He gulps as he places it down and moved onto the next one. The same pattern follows as he reads paper after paper, his leg bouncing and skin turning a ghostly colour with each new paper.

I'm not surprised when he finally can't do it anymore.

He looks like he's going to be sick if he touches one more piece of paper.

"Harley, I can't do this" his voice cracks as he waves the papers he has been holding in the air. I take it off him before he damages it. "I can't fucking do this shit" his chair squeaks along the floor as he pushes it back quickly. He stands and starts walking in the direction of the lounge room with his hands tangled roughly in his hair as he tugs.

I stand to follow him.

"It's okay Hex, it's okay" Harley voices as a tear falls from her eye and stains a paper.