Oh Brother (Completed)

Life In Color

I woke up early Saturday morning to my father rifling through my sketches. My heart jumped to my throat as I peered through his arm to see what set he was going through. Most of my pieces were of my mother, or something that signified her in one way or another. Relief, though short lived, spread through me when I saw he was analyzing my most recent sketch. It was a portrait of the Holt boys, split directly down the middle. The right side was Nix in all his angelic glow; the left Damien in his darkness.

"Dad." I wanted him to know I was awake, maybe it would make him give going through my personal things a second thought. "What are you doing in here?"

The right corner of my father's mouth turned upward as he set my binder down, his index finger and thumb still holding the Sketch of Nix and Damien. "You know, your mother, she used to say that Phoenix was the type of boy to bring you all the stars in the universe as long as it made you smile."

Without consent, he sat at the end of my bed, a few inches from my feet. Pushing myself upright, I tucked my feet beneath me. He touched his thumb to the dark side of the drawing, shaking his head.

"But she also said that Damien was like a snake, always in the background, but would strike you in the heart when you least expected it."

I sucked on my bottom lip, grasping a fistful of my sheet in my hand to keep from falling victim to the wave of sadness that had temporarily entered the room. "I didn't know she knew them like that."

"Those boys were just as much our kids as you and your brothers were. Especially poor Damien, he used to spend nights curled up on the floor of the bedroom you shared with Aden. I knew it was time to get him his own bed when I came in a couple times to find you had taken his place on the floor so he could sleep in a bed." My dad tore his eyes form the paper in his hands to me. "If this picture is anything, it seems as though you have conflicting emotions about both of them. Which was as to be expected, even all those years ago, those boys would have done anything for you. But I'm going to tell you what your mother told me a few weeks before the divorce."

My father straightened himself, setting the sketch beside him, then outstretched his hand and grasped my trembling one between both his large ones. "She said, "' You were the light at the end of the dark tunnel, Isaac, a way for me to escape my parents and the torture.' Then she said, 'But now, Isaac, you've become my living nightmare. You're too caught up in yourself, running from your own issues and life, that every time I look at you I see my father before me. And when I look at those boys, all I see his you. You and your demons in every single one of those boys. I feel like I'm reliving my childhood.'"

My eyes widened a fraction. That didn't sound like my mother, but clearly the woman that she had been ten years ago wasn't the same woman who had used the little strength she had to rake her fingers through my hair those last few weeks. Instead of deflect his words I said, "You think that's how Damien will be for me."

"Quite the contrary." My father retorted. "However, I do think Damien needs to find himself just as much as you do. If he doesn't learn to overcome his demons, then he'll fall victim to the same life your mother and I did, and neither of us would ever want that for you, Arianna."

I dropped my gaze to the comforter draped over my lap. "You want me to be with Phoenix."

"Phoenix is a great kid." My father said with a shake of his head, "He graduated, he's in college, he has his head on straight. He's everything you need."

I leaned forward and whispered a quiet, "But?"

"But the reason you are conflicted between these boys, in love with them both simultaneously, is because they both posses qualities that you need to find within yourself." Dad pointed toward my chest. "The comfort, the warmth, the familiarity of Phoenix and the unconditional love and passion of Damien, they're all qualities you need to find within yourself, sweetheart, in order to love anyone else."