Back On The Saddle

Chapter Six

Fay Harlow

IT was 1:36am by the time we left the pub, all night Jamie and Western were sending me worried looks as i kept throwing back drinks, drowning the thoughts away. I can't imagine what they are thinking after that whole thing, all i wanted to do was forget about what happened in the bathroom. The man was drunk, i was drunk and i shouldn't of kissed him in the first place. At this rate i deserved what came to me, maybe that's why men kept doing it to me. Bailey and i held onto each other laughing at how he pissed on his feet when he tried to pee in the bathroom earlier; he smelt so bad. We laugh even harder as Derek falls into the gutter on the street, he groans in pain as we double over laughing.

"I'm going to pee my pants," Bailey laughs loudly crossing his legs as if that will stop him from peeing.

"Yes thank you, also i apologise in advance for the drunks," Western says on the phone, he sobered up quickly after the ordeal in the bathroom.

He had been keeping an eye on me all night and it was kind of attractive to watch him get protective over me. I cringe at myself for thinking like that, Noah was protective over me as well but it was a more harsher situation with him.

"Imagine being sober," Bailey laughs pointing at Western who rolls his eyes in response, his arms crossed.

I let go of Bailey who joins Derek at the gutter, i walk over to Western his eyes following my every move. I grab his arms holding them to his side, "Stop crossing your arms grouch, you're always so mad."

"Maybe because i have to deal with dickheads all day and night," he responds.

He doesn't move my hands that seem to have a mind of their own as they trace up to his biceps, he tenses under my touch and i look up at him. I see his Adam's apple bobble up and down as he swallows, our eyes connect and i smile softly.

"Or," i smile bringing my finger up his bicep and to his chest, his muscles flexing slightly at my touch, "You need to get laid."

His hand comes up and grabs mine, pulling it away from his chest and he drops it making it fall limply to my side. He leans down to my ear, my breath coming to a stop for a moment as i feel his short scruffy beard brush against my cheek. I feel my body flush and something in my stomach flutter happily as his breath hits my neck making me tingle all over.

"No one can handle me," he whispers almost causing me to moan, his voice was so raspy and deep.

He pulls away his hand softly brushing my hip and he turns his head to look at the boys probably making sure they are okay, i tap his shoulder and he turns to look back down at me. I wiggle my finger at him motioning him to come back down to my height and i tip toe up to the side of his head; placing my hands on his shoulders to keep my balance.

"I could," I whisper into his ear, he pulls away smirking; his eyes trying to tell me so many things at once but my vision was to blurry to understand it.

I let go of his shoulders and return back to my normal stance turning away from Western i walk over to Derek and Bailey embarrassed with myself for saying that to him. I need to stop flirting with everything that breaths in my direction, i've been single for five days and i am already trying to hard. This is the first time in years i have gotten to drink and be free, dance and not feel judged by Noah standing the corner staring at me. I can actually do the things he used to accuse me of doing; like sleeping with other man, kissing them and dancing with them. Maybe being single is something i'm met to be, i don't need a boyfriend, husband, my own family and the torture of waiting for something bad to happen; waiting for my significant other to break my heart.

Imagine if i had a baby with Noah, i would have to look after that child with the reminder of what their father did to me; maybe even have to share custody with Noah - imagine what he would of done to the child. Would he have loved it differently? He wouldn't of it them? Derek was now laying in the ditch, Bailey had moved from the street to a light pole which he was spinning himself around singing "Singing In The Rain." I hold out my hand to ensure that it was most definitely not raining. I sit down next to Derek's drunk body and stare at my feet. I hated myself most of the time, it was sad how much Noah really teared me down to the point where i can't even look at myself in the mirror without thinking vile things. He made me feel ugly, like i deserved the hits even though everything was his fault i still apologised. I was pathetic, a people pleaser and i still want to be loved by him. Before i could start crying Ben calls out that the taxi was here. I nudge Derek as the Maxi Taxi pulls up across the road in front of a small clothes shop. He grumbles, slowly standing up tipping to the right before he finds his balance.