The Visit

Aftershock

TW: Self-harm
A/N with main summary at end of chapter if you wish to skip

After the whole Thanos fiasco, the UN decided to overrule General Ross' decision on Loki and Bucky's house arrest and grant both of them full pardons. Bucky was ecstatic when he felt the ankle moniter finally being removed. Loki was happy as well by the decision, but when they took off the moniter, he didn't feel much different than before.

After they had all cleaned up from the battle, Loki hadn't spoken in length to anyone about anything that happened. Between Thanos, finding out about his birth mother, reliving 2 of the worst memories of his life, and doing all of that while still dealing with the fallout of 5 years' worth of trauma from solitary confinement, all of it drained Loki to his core.

And it was bad. He and Bucky, while still close, never really talked too much anymore when they hung out in each other's rooms. Loki had also become a lot closer with Clint, but even as they planned pranks against the others in the team, he still barely communicated.

What started really concerning his friends was when he started to not eat around anyone else. He would always bring his meals to his room and when they saw what was on his plate, it wasn't much. He started to seem constantly anxious and despite being able to go outside, he never did.

When he was around the rest of them, he had bags under his eyes and seemed like he couldn't focus on anything. He would once in a while gently clutch his head like he had a headache. They would all ask if he was okay and he would brush it off.

One notable incident led to Loki having a panic attack. Loki had been helping out a bit with making dinner. He was helping to set the table when one of the glasses slipped out of his hands. He stood there for a second, mortified. He turned to Tony and started to profusely apologize in a soft voice. Tony in response put his hand on Loki's shoulder and said, "Hey, it's okay, we've all done it a few times! Besides, it's not like I can't get more. And them mess'll be cleaned up in like a minute by Dum-E." Loki nodded but quickly left the room after that. Tony had followed him, knowing something was off and he found him sitting on the floor in the hallway against the wall, crying silently. He had helped Loki up and got him to his room, where Loki immediately collapsed on his bed in exhaustion and fell asleep.

It was after dinner and Bucky couldn't tell what compelled him to do so, but he decided to check on Loki, who hadn't come out of his room all day.

He went over to the door and realized it was unlocked, which was very odd for the trickster. He slowly opened it and gazed into the near-black room, save for the light streaming in from the hallway. The room in of itself was a mess. Clothes and books littered the floor, there were a few plates on the desk and the bedsheets were made, but clearly ruffled, like someone had been laying on top of them for a while. Yet, it still seemed oraganized in a way. The clothes, while littering the floor, stayed in an area around the back-right corner of the room, the plates were stacked messily, but effectively. There was something eerie about the whole thing, like Loki had wanted things to be organized, but was incapable of doing so for some reason.

While he scanned the room for his friend, he noticed a soft light coming from under the bathroom door. He walked over the messy floor and knocked on the door, only for it to swing slightly open inwards. Bucky furrowed his brow as he pushed it open and when he did, he gasped.

His friend was sitting on the edge of the seat in the walk-in shower with blood oozing from a cut on his arm and dripping onto the tile floor. He had tears shining in his eyes and his hair fell to the side of his face. He held a glass shard to his arm, like he was about to make another cut.

Bucky rushed over to him and grabbed the shard out of Loki's hand with his own metal one, making sure Loki himself wasn't injured any further by the action, and he threw it to the side. He immediately grabbed a towel and told Loki to hold it on the wound, who immediately obeyed.

"FRIDAY, tell Bruce to get over here with some medical supplies."

Bucky looked up at Loki and Loki started crying. "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, I don't- I don't know what- know how to deal with this," he whimpered in between sobs.

Bucky brushed the tears away with his finger. "It's okay, we're gonna help you, we are all gonna help you. I get it, trust me, you are not alone."

Bruce burst through the door in that moment and immediately started to wrap loki's arm in gauze and bandages. The cut was pretty big, but not that deep, so it didn't need stitches. Once Bruce was done, Bucky told him to tell everyone else what had happened so that he and Loki could be alone for a moment. Bruce nodded and left to explain the news.

Bucky softly took Loki by the arm and led him to the messy bed outside. Upon sitting on the mattress, Bucky immediately gathered Loki into his arms and held him as he cried. "I promise you, I will do everything in my power to make sure that you will get the help you need and deserve. I will be with you every step of the way and so will everyone else." He felt Loki relax a little bit, indicating that Loki was starting to fall asleep.

"I promise, you will be alright."

A/N: Basically after all of the chaos has died down Loki is now starting to feel the effects of the mental stress he has been put under in the past 6-7 years. He is not coping with it well and Bucky catches him when he is cutting himself. Bucky tells Loki that they will all help him through this as they hug.

2nd A/N: If you thought that this was one of those books where after the main conflict ends all the problems magically go away, you would be mistaken! I am a realistic person and Loki has gone through so much shit and that will be addressed in the next 2-4 chapters because my conscience will not let this matter rest, so enjoy the mentally ill boi being mentally ill for a few chapters before the conclusion of the story (though this will be the only one of those that he cuts in because he is overwhelmed af) :)