Two worlds (Everlark)

Chapter 38: Confession

Chapter 38

Peeta's P.O.V.

It's been a week now. I'm barely eating and I've stopped singing. I can't sing anymore. I tried one time but it came out so false it hurt everyone's ears.

Haymitch almost started to cry when I tried to sing. At first I thought that it was because he could see all the money fly away from him, but he said that it's hard for him to see me in this much pain. The pain I'm in right now is actually affecting my singing voice.

I've never seen a depressed child before. Now I have. Adam. He's depressed. When he found out about Katniss it was like he lost two people he loved so much. First his father and now Katniss. I didn't even know that children could become depressed before I saw Adam. Jeni is really worried that he'll die if he doesn't start eating. He's only five for gods sake. He needs food. Sometimes they can get him to eat something but not much.

I'm no better. I don't eat either. It feels like I'm clearest in my thoughts, but as soon as I try to speak my voice comes out all hollow and dead. I don't know what to do. The police is trying to find Katniss but I don't trust that they will.

Today Finnick and the rest of the group dragged me to school. I haven't been in school for a week.

As I walk the hallways with the others, people are giving me pitiful glances and I just want to run for the entrance again. Annie grabs my hand and squeezes it. This is hard for her too. It's hard for all of us.

Yesterday we found Gale in the kitchen, crying over a pan and the toaster, telling us that he'll never complain about Katniss cooking if only she comes home alive. It took Madge everything she had not to break down with him. We all have our moments where we break down, only I don't anymore. I'm only silent. Not saying anything if I don't have to. I don't sleep, I don't eat. They force water down my throat and I feel dead. Even though they force water into me I feel dehydrated.

I open my locker and bring out some books for my first class. I walk with the others towards our first class.

I'm tired and I don't know what I'm doing here. I look like shit. Bags and dark circles under my eyes. Pale and red eyes.

The girls told me I do not look like shit, but of course I didn't believe them. I did pass a mirror before we left the house.

The glances from everyone in this school is burning my neck and I'm feeling the anger starting to build inside of me. I don't want anyone's pity. I'm not the one who has been kidnapped. Katniss is. Why are they pitying me? Because I'm her boyfriend? Well I don't need their pity and I don't want their pity.

This was a stupid mistake. Why the hell did I let them drag me to school? Why the hell didn't I just stay home?

I want to be with Adam right now. We need each other. And even if I can't comfort Adam, and he can't comfort me, we have to be in each other's presence. I can't explain it, it's difficult. But that's how it is.

I'm going crazy. I don't know if Katniss is dead or alive. Or I do know. I know that Katniss is alive. I can feel it in my whole body. Even though the police is trying to prepare us if they would find her dead. I know she isn't dead, yet. But I also feel that she's not really alive. It's sounds crazy but that's how it is. It's ... I feel like she's dying.

I tried talking to the police of course. They thought I was crazy and sent me to a psychologist. I should've known better. No one thinks that love can be this strong. The shrink gave me some pills I refuse to take. I'm not crazy. I mean yes I do not feel great at the moment, but I'm not crazy. Katniss family isn't in their best shape either, are they crazy too? I don't know how they can think that grieving people are crazy.

I hate everything right now. I have bad mood swings, and my temper is pretty bad. But that's because I feel so useless. I can't help my Katniss when she needs me the most. I can't make her pain go away and I can't bring her home. I feel so weak and stupid. Why have all these muscles when I can't even use them to help Katniss?

As we head for ten stairs someone shouts my name from behind us.

"Peeta!"

I sigh. I don't wanna deal with Ella right now. I don't wanna deal with her at all. If she thinks she has a chance to get me now, she's more stupid than I first thought she was.

She runs up to us and stands in front of me holding up her hand.

"Wait", she says, panting a bit. "I have something to say".

"And what could that possibly be Ella?" Finnick asks with a poisonous voice. "Coming here to gloat?"

"No", she says, clutching her books tight against her chest looking down on her feet. "I... I'm not happy about this".

"I hardly doubt that", Annie hisses. "You've been after Katniss ever since the first day of high school".

Ella looks up at us. She has tears streaming down her eyes. I can't tell if they're real or fake. But somehow it feels as if they're real. Why would Ella cry over Katniss?

She looks deeply sad and like she really wants to tell us something important.

"You can stop the act, Peeta will never go out with you, Katniss or no Katniss", Cato says angrily. "So get out of our way now".

"No I know, and I have now ... Finally, started to understand everything", Ella says. "And I'm not here to try to seduce Peeta, I'm really not, I want to talk about Katniss".

We all look at her as if she's trying to pull a joke on us. Maybe she is. Maybe she's a better actress than we've given her credit for during the drama classes. Maybe this is an act.

I don't know though. Would even Ella be that mean? To joke and play games with us when Katniss has been kidnapped. Can anyone actually be that mean?

"We don't want to talk about Katniss with you", Madge says. "And I think you understand why".

"Please I just..." She says. "I know I haven't been fair to Katniss but I just, from the moment I saw her, I've been feeling threatened by her, by her looks, by the way she gets respect, when I saw her and realized how much respect she had from both boys and girls, how beautiful she is, how kind and warm hearted, but yet fierce and strong, I knew that she is everything I want to be".

I narrow my eyebrows. Is Ella actually saying these words? She's been mean to Katniss because she wanted to be Katniss?

Can girls do this to each other just because they're jealous of one an other. Wow. Just wow. Being a boy is way easier than being a girl. In the girl world there is this constant competition.

I think this is the first time Ella said this, even to herself. It can't have been easy. But it still doesn't change anything. And Ella's confession doesn't exactly bring Katniss back to us. She didn't disappear because Ella said some mean things to her. Katniss is strong. She disappeared because some psychos kidnapped her. She fought back because she's strong, but because of that she might be dying right this moment. And where am I? In school. How is this fair?

"If we're done here you can leave", I say. "You telling us this doesn't make any difference, it doesn't bring her back to me, back to us".

And with that we start walking past her. She stands still, looking like she's having a fight with herself.

Suddenly she shouts something after us, something that makes my whole world freeze.

"I know who kidnapped Katniss!"

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✍🏻1403 words✍🏻

Hey guys. I wasn't going to update today but as you can see I did anyways.

So... Ella surprised, didn't she? This is actually really common in real world, girls fighting to be the prettiest or more popular around guys. Why can't we just stand united when girls are being so mistreated most of the times?

Anyways please vote and comment.

-Josephine xx