Steel Horizon

Chapter Ten

I stood under an old oak tree as rain droplets fell from the leaves overhead, pattering my umbrella with no sense of rhythm. A slight breeze brushed across my legs under my black dress. It moved in the wind, swaying back and forth as if I were dancing.

I wasn't dancing.

The rain was though, and it was calling for me to come out of my numb state, to remember what it felt like to be rained on. I loved the rain. It made me feel free. I loved the feeling of unexpectedness as the raindrops would hit my skin at times I would least expect it.

Still, I stayed hidden under my umbrella, not venturing into the rain I used to love so much. Not today. Maybe not ever again.

The eyes of dozens of people were prodding at my back, the hint of a shiver running along the base of my neck. I tried to suppress it. Everything within me was numb. Just like it had been for the past week. I stared down at the grass at my feet, not having any desire to look up at the black coffin before me. Its shadow inched over the ground, even without the sun to help it along.

A hand curled into mine and I felt a drop of warmth again. I could breathe. I lifted my gaze to look into Kaileb's blue eyes and felt maybe the world wasn't crashing down on top of me as fast. He tightened his grip around my hand and I found the strength to look forward.

Because that's what Kaileb always did—he gave me strength when I couldn't find any, made me feel warm when it was cold. But that day, nothing and nobody, not even Kaileb, could bring me happiness.

The dark coffin was covered with numerous flowers and ribbons, the rain dripped from the soft pedals as if there was nothing wrong with the world. They were patient and peaceful, never asking for anything, never dying, never hurting anyone.

I looked up and over the coffin.

Mom leaned against John with her watery eyes looking down. I wasn't crying like my mom because I was sure I'd used up all my tears in the days leading up to this. There was nothing left for me to give.

My brother was gone forever.

The place he had in my heart was evaporating all too quickly, something I feared more than anything.

He wasn't coming back. Ever. Nothing and nobody could replace him.

But when I looked up, John was staring at me with something dark in his eyes. They were so cold as they stared back into mine, telling me things without words, accusing me this was my fault, even though we both knew it wasn't. In that moment, it was the first time I had been afraid of him.

And it hadn't stopped there.

That was only the beginning.

I woke like someone yelled my name. I frantically took in my surroundings and saw Jude sitting next to me. Pale moonlight shone off his face, and his eyes almost glowed in the dim light.

I sat up, slightly shaking, letting the blankets drop into my lap and my gaze drifted to the window. It was snowing, the wind was still fierce and blowing against the window pane. The glass groaned from the invisible force pushing against it, holding strong for what it was made for. But I wasn't holding strong. I was shaking from someplace deep within me and I couldn't make it stop.

I wondered how many hours had passed since the Scrappers had left, taking those screaming people with them.

"You okay?" Jude asked, his voice constricted.

I nodded, but the action felt like my head was just bobbing on its own accord. I blinked a few times, just to make sure the picture of the funeral was far from my head. Once I knew it was, I buried it again, making sure it would stay there. I felt stronger once it was gone and stopped shaking.