I Don't Want To Go Back

35

"You bought this coffee shop?"

We're now outside the coffee shop, I requested that we should go outside to get some air. Para kasing ang bigat-bigat sa loob ng cafe, hindi ko alam kung bakit. He agreed kaya ito nandito kami sa labas, naka-tayo, hawak ang baso ng kape na ginawa niya para sa 'ming dalawa kanina.

"Yeah... it's just that, this cafe's really have something in me from the past. Nu'ng umuwi kami galing Rome, bigla nalang akong napadpad dito. Nabalitaan kong ipinapasara na ng original owner at ibebenta ang lupa dahil malubha na raw ang sakit, and his children can't handle a business. So I took it. Renovated some parts of the cafe and hired staffs again. I put life in this dying coffee shop, because I feels home to be here. Hindi ko alam kung bakit." I watched him took a sip on the lid of his coffee.

We're facing the empty rode in front of the coffee shop, feeling the cold breeze of the night. Just us. No other people. No cars passing by. Just the two of us with our hot coffee on our hand.

"You're wondering why this coffee shop feels home... siguro kasi you and the girl in your dreams used to be here, 'no?" when he turned his head on me, ako naman 'yung umiwas. Sumimsim nalang ako sa kape ko para may dahilan 'yung pag iwas ko ng tingin sa kaniya.

"Probably."

I nodded my head.

"You, how did you discover this place?"

His question made me stiff. Nahigit ko ang hininga ko, all of the sudden, parang hindi ko na alam paano huminga.

What should I answer? Should I lie?

I shouldn't. "Me and my ex used to hang out here. This place was probably the witness of us. Favourite spot namin du'n oh," I looked back at the cafe to point at the table beside the wall, the table where Kylo and I used to occupy. "There."

He was quite for a second, "Is that because you always occupy that seat?" he asked.

I chuckled before nodding my head, "I miss him." I whispered with the glass on my lips - feeling the lump on my chest.

***

After that painful conversation I had with Kylo made me realized things. One of them was that I am not the only one who's suffering for those three years we parted ways.

Pero ang sakit pa rin kasi sa tuwing naalala ko kung paano niya sinabi sa akin na hindi na niya ako mahal. Na para bang ang dali lang no'n sabihin sa harap ko.

Yes, I questioned his love for me.

Is his love for me before not enough to strengthen his feelings to not fade that easily?

Kasi bakit parang sobrang biglaan?

Totoo bang love do fades? I don't believe it. I felt how strong our love for each other was. At alam kong hindi basta-basta mawawala lang 'yon. Kaya alam kong may mali, noon hanggang ngayon. I badly want to figure what it was pero ang hirap humanap ng sagot.

"Dad," I greeted him and kissed his cheeks. "What made you visit us?" I asked.

He suddenly came up in front of my condo's door. He was with Jerome. They're both wearing tuxedo. Araw-araw naman silang naka-suit. Ang init-init niyan.

"I just want to check you and Tati up, dahil laya pa rin si Fred." He sighed.

"What's happening in the case, Dad?"

"Where requesting for the next trial, this time, I would be sure Attorney Heredia could put that rat behind bars." His statement gave me Goosebumps all over my body.