I Don't Want To Go Back

25

Till My Heartaches End - KZ Tandingan (Ella May Saison)

"Take good care of Klayre. Kapag hinanap niya ako sabihin mo busy ako, maraming gawain sa trabaho. Kung p'wede patawagan mo siya sa akin minsan kasi mamimiss ko rin 'yung batang 'yon."

"I will." He just answered.

I chuckled sadly, remembering how Klayre wants to see me again but I guess it was our last. "Ah, I have something for you." I turned my back and opened the back seat. I reached for the plastic bag, and gave it to him.

"What is this?"

"Galing kami sa ocean park kanina ni Klayre. I bought that for you- don't give it back," I chuckled. "Tago mo nalang kung .. kung ayaw mong gamitin. Or throw it, do whatever you want with it just don't give it back to me."

He just started at me and nod his head. I wiped my tears, "Alright. I'll go ahead."

I was about to open the car again when he called me, "Sy,"

"Thank you, Sy. For the four years, I really loved you. I really did. I'm sorry for being irrational sometimes. I'm sorry for my shortcomings. I promise to be better after we part ways. Please don't question yourself, it is not your fault why I .. I fell out of love. It is me, Sy. Still always remember that you deserve everything what this world could give. I may not be the best you ever had, but I hope I somehow made you feel the treatment and love you never asked for, for the entire years we've been together I hope I made you happy."

"And..." he was looking through my eyes. My tears were keep falling from it. I can't help it. "I'm sorry." He bowed his head and avoided my eyes.

I never expected this one to be this hurt. The pain inside me ... I don't know how and when this will be gone. Sobrang sakit. Bawat salita na sinasabi niya parang mga punyal na tumutusok sa puso ko.

My tears can't justify how hurt I am right now. How his words broke the hell out of me.

He then looked up to me again, his eyes were puffy, but there's no tears. He was just look so devastated. "If ever we get the chance to meet again, pretend that you don't know me." He said. "Pretend that we're strangers. I will do the same."

That was the last words he said before going back inside their house. I was left crying on the side of their street.

"Pretend that we're strangers." As if madali 'yon. Tang ina... we're four years together and if ever we meet again, we'll pretend to forget each other? Ano 'yun, himala?

I gripped my shirt, sa chest part. Because I can feel how hurt my chest were. I wanted to punch it, but when I tried nadagdagan lang ang sakit.

I was crying when I drove away, for the way to be blur by my tears. I tried to wipe it away until I saw a cat crossing the street, so I immediately pulled the break.

"Fuck." I cursed. Nanghihina man ay bumaba ako para tingnan kung nasagasaan ba 'yung pusa.

I saw it lying in front of my car. Its eyes were opened. I bent down to reach it. I lift my hand and tried to caress the cat. Maamo naman siya at hinayaan akong haplusin ang ulo nito.

"Are you fine?" i asked as if it would answer me. Well the cat "meow", so I take that as a yes.

The cat was white and a bit fat halatang napapakain sobra sa tatlong beses sa isang araw, mukhang hindi naman palaboy 'to. Baka may amo or what? Pero walang collar or anything na makakapagsabi kung may nagaalaga nga. Should I get it or just leave it here.

But it somehow ease my heavy heart. The cat keeps on liking my thumb.

"I'm sorry pero marami pa akong problema para kuhanin ka." I carried the cat and put it on the side of the street. Baka may amo siya dahil nasa loob pa ako ng village. Dalhin ko kaya sa guard house?