Only thoughts, head's full

Death

Warning ⚠️: Includes thinking of death and talking about death, death jokes (only one instance)

Death is something that I think a lot about. It's comforting yet scary. If I were to personify death, it would be a big teddy bear, who gives lots of hugs, but unlike a normal teddy bear who gives warm hugs, Death gives a cold one.

It is scary when you think about it (not really, who would be scared of a teddy bear) but it's comforting in a way.

In the lowest part of my life, I've thought of death as a way to escape. If something bad (that I think) is about to happen, I would silently wish that I would drop dead at that moment. I would silently chant in my head (or mumble to myself) "I wanna die, I wanna die." I would do it out of anxiousness.

Death, even if I thought of it a lot. I would never think of doing it. I just thought of it as a "backup plan".

And if you want to know what my thought process is, it's "Hey something very bad happened, guess I'll die" I genuinely don't know whether or not I meant that (probably not-) because you know sarcasm exists right?

But on the other hand, while I am writing this right now, my depressive episode has finally calmed down. So hey, journaling kinda works, eh?

Death is like a cozy house in the middle of a forest.

While there's a forest fire, all around the house.

It's comforting in a way.

Knowing death will come knocking on my door someday.

(September 14, 2022)
-Raven

[P.S I've tried to make this "chapter" a little bit longer, but not too long that it'll feel like I'm forcing the words out. This is the best I can do, it's not too bad.]