Only thoughts, head's full

Depression

Warning ⚠️: Includes talking about depression and anxiety

The start of the lowest, of the life I've ever lived. It was a dark, lonely and terrifying place. Like a dead forest that never seemed to end. I was alone and hopeless. And desperate for anything good to happen, that I would do anything to get out of it.

I feel like the world is going to end. It's hard to get out of it. My depression surfaced when I was in my last school year in elementary school.

It was much more stressful than my usual school years. We had a very easily angered homeroom teacher, and they were in the first period, so I always felt anxious and pressured every time the day starts. Then I would be stressed out over the homework, then the problems we had in my family, then social anxiety wasn't helping at all.

And now, I feel like I'm starting to get depressed again. I feel like everything is hopeless, I don't have anyone to talk to, whether it be friends or family. My friends, they're busy because of their own lives. But my family, I don't have someone to talk to, we don't talk about this type of stuff, every time I try to talk to someone, they say things that everyone else says. "It's not what you think," or "just pray to god" yes, I know they're trying to help, but I've already heard that a lot of times already, either by someone else, or myself thinking it. Or even worse, the only thing they say is "same." when you vented to your friends about something like that.

What I want is someone who would offer advice that came from them, but I can't blame my friends and family for thinking that saying things like that would comfort me because they don't know how to react or what to say when they never experienced things like that. 

But hey, writing a journal like this is actually a smart idea, it lets out some emotions I never knew I even had. But that's all for me today, I'm still in a depressive episode today. I don't really want to talk to anyone right now, whether it be online or in real life, and I don't know how to get out of it, but at least writing this journal helps a bit.

I'm rambling again, that's all for today.

Thanks for listening everybody, it means a lot <3

Wanting to be listened to is not a selfish wish,

but it's hard to be listened to when everyone else, 

is caught up in their own hardships.

(September 22, 2022)
-Raven