𝙍𝙀𝘿 // 𝘽𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀 𝙀𝙄𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙃 𝙁𝘼𝙉𝙁𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

i don't understand

"how's your music going then?" i asked.

"okay, promise me you won't be mad." she had a guilty look on her face.

"oh no, what did you do?" my face dropped.

"it's nothing bad, at least i don't think it is. i put out a song a month ago and another one this month, they're doing good. and before you say anything, i didn't want to tell you anything because i was scared you would make a big deal out of it and then it'll flop and then everyone will know that i failed in what i wanted to do." she rambled a little bit.

"what!" i widened my eyes, looking straight at hers.

"please don't be mad!" she laughed and looked the other way.

"how could you not tell me this? i've been begging you and begging you! turns out you've been releasing shit behind my back!" i looked at her with disbelief, yet a smile was still on my face.

"i'm sorry!" she continued laughing.

"i'm so proud of you baby." i pouted, bringing her into a hug while she was in the middle of getting her shorts up her but. "can i hear them?" i asked excitedly, pulling away from the hug and also allowing her to be completely dressed now.

"no, please, no. not right now." she shook her head. "do it when i don't know you are listening to them."

"fine." i quickly respected her wishes.

"thank you" she kissed me, "probably shouldn't have done that right? that's gross."

"yeah but i don't mind, and who cares if i do, right?" i shrugged, kissing her once again.

"i'm honestly surprised you didn't find out. a verse kind of went mini viral on tiktok. it got me panicked for real."

we spent the next couple of minutes getting ready for bed in silence, only talking when we needed to, no major conversations were really made. although blue managed to develop a new cough while doing that which only made me worry more. "do you have a sore throat?" i asked her.

"i think so, yeah." she nodded. "i may have caught some kind of virus or cold." she shrugged.

"yeah that's not gonna be good, i'm talking to dr.mandosa as soon as i'm awake tomorrow." i decided.

"you've already said a million versions of that sentence, it's all gonna be good." she assured me, while i was making my way to the bed with her following me.

"better be safe than sorry." i got cossied up in the bed, waited for blue to lie down and i rested my head on her chest, hearing her heart beat.

"my heart literally just skipped a beat." she laughed.

"you're laughing too much because you're sleepy, close your eyes dumb ass." i slapped her face in attempt to close her eyes manually myself but that only got her to laugh even more.

i sat up stared right into her, waiting for the moment she stops. of course she never did, instead she started adding coughing into the equation of laughing. she started laughing even more because she started coughing and it was this whole thing of me trying to shut her up and get her to go to sleep. if i didn't know her, i would think that she was straight up wasted right now.

blue put her face on her arm and coughed some pretty intense coughs. i frowned my brows, reaching into my drawer to get her inhaler. "do you need your inhaler?" i asked, reaching my hand out for her to take it.

she lifted her head, quickly nodded and used the medication that was just in my hand. she took a few moments to breathe, but then she looked at the inside of her elbow and looked back at me. "is that blood?" she went back and examined it. "does my mouth have any blood in it?"

seeing her get worried, i knew it was serious, because she never acts like this. she always brushes things off as 'normal', this time something is happening. and i'm scared to death.

not even five seconds later blue started coughing again, very intensely. "what am i supposed to do?" i asked her, scattering my hands all over the bed sheet, looking for my phone. blue didn't answer me, of course, i instead dialed for richard. he'd know what i'm supposed to do, right?

"i'm calling your dad, he's gonna answer now. it's gonna be okay." i said, putting my hand on her thigh, although i think the last part was meant for me more that it did for her. "please, please, please, come on richard, answer." i whispered, listening to the ringing of the phone in my ear. "for fucks sake! the one time i need him he doesn't answer!" i stressed.

"i'm gonna call an ambulance." i tell her know, got up and ran to the to toilet and got the trash can from there, ran back and gave it to blue. our brand new white sheet is now stained with blood.

"911 what's your emergency?" a women's voice answered.

"my- my girlfriend she has a history of kidney disease. she was vomiting and now she's coughing up blood, i- i need an ambulance right now." a panicked.

"an ambulance is right on its way to you apartment, i need you to stay on with me and tell me everything that is happening." she said. "what's your name."

"billie." i answered.

"okay billie, i need you run and unlock the door very quickly." she instructed me.

"okay." i nodded, got off my knees and ran to unlock the door. by the time i came back blue was laying down, i think she's seizing.

"i think she's having a seizure!" i ran back to her, got on my knees, took a pillow put to something under her head.

"don't panic, get her on her side now." i did as she told me. i was scared to touch my girlfriend, it was like if i put a finger on her she would break.

"where is the goddamn ambulance! it's been too long!" i yelled, starting to get impatient.

"billie, they are on their way, i need you to tell me when she stops seizing." the 911 operator stressed. "i have to time how long the seizure is."

"okay, what am i supposed to do now? i feel useless." i looked away from blues face, i couldn't handle seeing her like that.

"answer me these questions, what's your girlfriends name and how old is she?"

"blue miller, 23." i quickly answered.

"the ambulance is here, blue has been seizing for more than four minutes billie, i need you to step away from her they are going to take over now."

i blinked and when i opened my eyes and i was crying at the corner of the room watching the ems surround blue. the next she was unconscious and being lifted onto one of those portable beds about to be transferred into the truck.

"miss are you coming with us?" one of the paramedics asked me.

"yeah." i wiped the tears off my face, took my phone and followed them to the truck.

i tried calling richard again but he didn't answer, so i called jasmine and the same, i couldn't reach her as well as fiona. the first person that picked up was cole, i panicked while balling, telling her what happened and that her parents weren't picking up.

she told me she was going to drive to her dad's wake him up and head to the hospital where going to. i didn't want be alone with my thoughts so i dialed finneas' number, he immediately picked up and started heading out of his house to meet me as soon as possible at the hospital.

blue was immediately taken into surgery for a procedure that i didn't understand, but she needed it to survive. i was left still on call with finneas' pacing back and forth in the waiting room.

"billie!" finneas yelled running up to me and pulling me in for a hug.

"i don't understand, she was normal a couple hours ago. i don't understand why." i broke down in his arms.

"she going to be okay, she strong. you know how strong she is." he rubbed my back and held me tighter.