to you.
remember how you asked if I had ever had experience with someone and I said not really? I told you there was a kid named Jack. Jack and I were... it was a very confusing time then but I felt so deeply for Jack. I was afraid to feel the same for you because Jack was also confused, he didn't know what to do. he didn't want me because of how clingy I was, but I had told you on the third day that I was clingy, that I crave male attention. You told me you crave female attention... and that we would be a great match then. I don't know what happened so quickly to make you lose interest, are you bored? I'm sorry. is it that I live in New York? I can't help it. if you couldn't do long distance... were you looking on yubo for nudes? and you accidentally found me? and why does it always take me saying something for you to actually tell me how you feel? I have my phone on do not disturb when I try not to overthink and obsess but every moment I'm checking my notification's bar praying I see your name. but it's been an hour and you haven't popped up. I'll admit, I do check your snap score from time to time (not nearly as much as I did Jack, the numbers rising hurts like a bitch.) and I've noticed it's only went up by the number of snaps we've sent back and forth. I'm still your #1 on Snapchat so what does that mean... are we okay? am I overreacting, overdramatic, stressed for no reason? do you love me, want me, or hate me? but there's a reason why im spilling this all out to a bunch of strangers on the internet. because if I told you any of this, id have to face you. I'm just confused, I just want to know. I cried because of you, and honestly, I hate that I did. I hate that I let down my guard for you and I hate that I let you in. I hate that when I looked at that photo of you staring it made me cry, and I hate that you are everything I've ever asked for. for some reason I'm afraid to face you and for some reason I can't tell these thoughts to anybody else and I wish you'd just fucking read this so I wouldn't lose my mind. it's only been a little while and im confused on how I feel about you. I wish we weren't so far away, and I wish that my mind would shut up. im still deciding whether or not to move on because this is getting bad but I've checked my notifications for the last time and I just want to stop. you were great. I really wish things could be different. and I really wish your name would pop up on my screen.
