Power & Control

33: E.V.O.L.

"I'm gonna place you back down now, okay?" I hummed in agreement and nodded, realising that he had been holding my entire body up for almost ten minutes. I suddenly felt embarrassed over that, but I didn't have time to dwell on it when he slowly pulled out, the sudden lack of pressure he was creating in my body making me wince.

I unravelled my arms and legs from around him, stepping onto solid ground and stumbling a bit as I did so. My legs were shaking from being so tense for so long. I steadied myself, leaning against the wall for a second as he pulled his boxers and jeans back on. He leaned down and grabbed my jean shorts from the dusty floor, holding them out for me. I quickly thanked him, awkwardly readjusting my underwear that had been pushed to the side earlier before pulling my shorts back on, trying not to get them tangled with my sneakers that I was still wearing. Clearing my throat, I took my hair out of its ponytail to redo it and tame it a bit as he watched me, taking a step back into the confined room.

"Everything alright?" I looked up at him as I did the button on the shorts, finding his brows creased together as he gave me a once over with his eyes.

"Yeah, why?" I shrugged my shoulders at him, readjusting my shirt to make sure it was sitting how it was supposed to. His hand gripped the doorknob, but he made no attempt to turn it.

"You haven't talked much, that's all." His observation caught me by surprise. Have I not?

"I'm just tired from the flight." I chuckled, dismissing him with a wave of my hand. I wasn't lying entirely. I was starting to feel jet lagged from frying to America yesterday for the start of the tour, but I wasn't telling him the whole truth either. I have been a bit distracted lately, overthinking situations and worrying because of that.

I had grown used to him. I had gotten acclimated to the fact that he was always around when I was working, always available to meet up with me even for a few stolen moments. I had gotten comfortable, too comfortable around him, and that fucking petrified me. I didn't want history to repeat itself. I didn't want to have to deal with him disappearing from my life in a blink of an eye, so fast that I wouldn't even realise it had happened until days after. I didn't want to go through what I had to go through with Evelyn again, when I let myself get comfortable only for her to leave me once her fiancé returned. The wise thing for me to do would be to distance myself from him, to put up some boundaries and take some space. But how could I do that when I saw him every day? When he'd take every opportunity he could get to steal me away, even if it was for a few minutes? I knew that even if I tried, we'd end up right back to where we were right now.

"Have you eaten anything today?" Niall's question pulled me out of my thoughts, making me look up at him.

"Yes." I lied. I had woken up too late for breakfast and came straight to the venue for rehearsals. I was planning to eat before the show, but considering how much time I had spent here with him instead of the dressing room, I doubted I'd get the time to do that while also getting ready. My body was trembling, but for a whole other reason this time around. I willed myself to hold eye contact with him, facing the concern he was trying to mask with his usual indifference. I cleared my throat and forced a small smile on my face, walking the short distance towards the exit.

"We should get back. We've both been gone for too long." I pushed his hand off the doorknob, trying to ignore his gaze that was glued to me. He didn't say anything as I creaked the door open, sneaking my head out to check for any people around. There were some stage staff members down the corridor, but they weren't paying any attention towards that side of it.

"I'll go back first." I quickly told Niall before opening the door enough to slip out. I didn't wait for a response, checking around me as I made my way towards the dressing room to start getting ready for the show. I would definitely need to shower, which wasn't ideal for me since I hated the flimsy showers in dressing rooms. Everyone was there like I expected. The band were hanging around on the couches with the TV on. My stylists and makeup artist were setting their stuff up while Louis and Calum were doing their own jobs, talking to people that worked in the venue. I ignored them all, making my way to the vanity to get a change of clothes and some toiletries from my bag. Once I had everything I needed, I headed to the bathroom. At the door to it, I ran into Julia who was coming out.