Riele | | Ryan | | Other
11:07 pm, Incoming call~~
Dickhead Ryan~~~
Answer | | Decline
[Answer]
“Help me please! Shit, stalker! I need urgent help!”
“Calm your fudging titties, dickhead. I’m too young to die of a heart failure!”
“And I’m too young to die in the hands of my mother! Tell me what to do!”
“As much as I’d love your existence being wiped from this universe, why in the hell’s hole would your mother kill you? Her knucklehead of a son?”
“I’m dead! I’m dead! I’m so dead! Help me, stalker!”
“Dickhead freakin’ Ryan, I told you to calm your arse down and tell me what happened!”
“Today is the—oh damn, oh damn!”
“What the duck, dummy! I have no interest in getting my ears checked. It’s either you put your shit together and tell me what happened or I hang up this instant!”
“I can’t believe it!”
“I swear on your grave that is about to be dug, Ryan, if you yell into my speaker one more time, just one more time, I’ll hang up and never pick any of your calls ever again!”
“Sorry. I won’t yell. I’m sorry.”
“Better. It wasn’t that hard, was it? Now tell me why you were yelling.”
“My mom’s gonna have my head.”
“Get to the damn point, dimwit. Don’t make me ask again.”
“Okay. But please, don’t freak out. If you do, I’ll start freaking out again.”
“I believe you have done something extremely out of the range of the stupids, but please, please Ryan, my fingers are crossed this time. Prove me wrong.”
“The stove is on fire. I tried cooking a pot of rice and before I came back, the stove caught fire. What do I do?”
“I know I shouldn’t be asking this ‘cause you’ve probably done it already, but judging by the way your brain works, I want to be sure. Have you extinguished the fire?”
“No shit, Sherlock.”
“. . . .”
“Are you still there?”
“Shut you damn mouth and put the damn fire off!”
“Where is the extinguisher?”
“I seriously can’t believe your level of stupidity. Are you seriously asking me where the extinguisher’s at?!”
“Please stop yelling. I can’t think straight as of now. The damn fire alarm is going berserk and my mom will be down any second.”
“When have you ever thought straight? You head urgently need some rewiring. Seek help, you need it.”
“I’d really appreciate it if you compliment my intelligence later, but now, please focus on helping me out.”
“I have no idea what I’m doing right now. Check around the kitchen floor, maybe by the lower cabinets?”
“Found it, stalker! Thanks, you’re an Angel sent from above.”
“You don’t have to tell me that, I already know. Now stop talking and put that damn fire off!”
“Yes ma’am. On it.”
“Ryan! What is heck is going on here?! Why is the fire alarm going off? And damn—what happened to my kitchen?!”
“Oh boy, it’s official. Angel, please prepare my burial. And before I die, love you. Bye.”
[Ends call]
The guy sure is crazy.
YOU ARE READING
The Prank Call
Short StoryWhat would any sane person do immediately after receiving an anonymous call at one am in the morning? Right-block the number. But the one and only feisty Riele Banks is too stubborn to resist the urge of giving a piece of her extremely intellectual...
